Sick Babies

This may have been one of the longest weeks of my life.

My poor boo, Ocean, was crying in his crib around 10 on Monday night. This caused Peanut to cry so we both pulled babies out of their cribs because we are weenies and can't stand to hear them cry. Ocean did a little spit up but it smelled like big people ralph. Then he did a big person ralph. Puke. Major. I rushed Peanut down to my mom to sleep in her bed (spoiled, yes) and ran back upstairs. There were chunks on the comforter, the floor, the sink, the baby and hubby's North Face jacket. The baby got changed, I put the comforter, the jacket and a dirty puke towel into the wash.

Oshy started gagging and puked again. And again. And again. After two towels, two sets of sheets, four blankets, three pairs of my pjs and two of Oshy's we just got Osh in his diaper and wrapped him in a blankie. We did laundry all night and tried to get liquids into Oshy boo. I held him in his blanket and he just stared at me with his big eyes, so quiet and still and helpless. Hubby and I took turns holding him and sleeping.

On Tuesday hubby and I were very tired but babies were fine and that was good.

Tuesday night hubby and I were so very ready to sleep, but the babies thought they were just born and woke up every two hours. Yay.

Wednesday Oshy started to not eat or take bottles. He also had diarehha. Peanut was fine.

Thursday was the same for Oshy and Peanut was still fine. Thursday was an unfortunate day at work and after lovely weather, it started snowing again.

Friday morning I woke up and noticed that Oshy's diaper was completely dry. I'm no expert, but I knew this was very bad because usually his diaper is gigantic after a night's sleep. I called the doctor's office and they said to bring him in. We went in and I took off Ocean's clothes for the doctor and I noticed that his skin was completely yellow. I checked his diaper again and no pee.

I am a worry wart. I wondered how Ocean got the stomach flu but no one else had it in 4 days. I started feeling sick with worry. Ocean gets sick all the time and Ever doesn't. Is there something wrong with him? The doctor was running very behind so I sat snuggled up to my yellow baby thinking very scary thoughts. Osh passed out. The doctor came in and she said something to him and he looked all confused and then gave her a great big smile. He is the sweetest boy, she said. I know, I said. Just kidding, I said thank you. I told her we had one sweet and one sour, even though Ever isn't actually sour, but saying we have one sweet and one evil genius with a sweet side doesn't really flow.

The doctor was concerned. She said we could go straight to Children's Mercy to get him hydrated or try some things at home for awhile to see if we could get him together before going there. We also discovered he had an ear infection in one of his ears and she said after how many he has had he will most likely need tubes. Boo. I can't believe I passed on my ear infections to my boo bear.

I spent a few hours with Ocean and my mom and I followed the directions. He peed twice so we escaped going to the hospital to get fluids. THANK THE LORD. I have never been so happy to see pee in my life! I decided to head off to work when Ocean fell and bit into his lip with one of his new toothies and blood was everywhere. Yeah . . . . I almost had a heart attack because I have NEVER seen blood coming from the monkeys.

The blood eventually stopped and I rocked Osh to sleep. I headed off to work. Right as I got settled and started working I got a phone call from my mom and all I could hear was high pitched screaming.

Ever was puking too.

So I went back home. Peanut reached out for me as soon as I came in the door. I held her and she puked so hard she was crying and screaming while doing it.

Then I did what any strong super mom would do. I cried like a baby. I'm just a hero like that.

I did not want one more second of seeing my babies in pain! It's a horrible feeling to feel so helpless and there's no medicine for these things. After my tears I gave Peanut water and she chugged it. I knew she would puke again but at least it wouldn't be dry heaves. She puked about 6 more times. I didn't cry any of those times and Peanut did much better too. Now she is sleeping like a rock and it's been about 3 hours puke free.

The silver lining? I found out there is one person the babies need most when they aren't feeling well. Mommy. That's me. I hate that they are sick, but appreciate the realization that they count on me and that my snuggles aren't just for me, but for them too.

Now I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow we are all going to wake up healthy, that's my wish. No puke, diarehha, stinky sick baby sweat, sad eyes, pale skin, just healthy. And if I woke up a size 2 and Publisher's Clearinghouse stopped by with a million dollars I wouldn't complain either, but all I really want is my two munchkins to be their bright eyed healthy little ball of energy selves!

CROSS YOUR FINGERS!

So What Wednesday

- So what if I haven't taught the monkey's baby sign language? I'm too busy trying to teach them not to eat out of the dog bowl. Priorities.

- So what if I considered buying a pair of full body Spanx this weekend? I'm really starting to panic about how I'm going to get the dangler and my new post preggo back fat into my dresses on my trip coming up. I got too weirded out by the little cookie hole in the bottom of the full body Spanx for peeing though. That's just wrong looking.

- So what if some moms can potty train their babies before the age of one by dangling them over the toilet (EC is what I believe it's called)? I don't want to do that. Plus I have a job so I can't spend the day analyzing what I believe to be cues that the babies want to pee. Plus I'm not coordinated so I might drop a monkey in the toilet and then go to jail for child abuse. I've been to the slammer once before, and it was no fun. There are freaks in there (not including me of course). Hubby and I did not enjoy that experience. Love means never having to say "can you bail me out of the slammer?"

- So what if I use my dry shampoo spray more than I use my actual shampoo? I tell myself my hair will look so nice and clean if I shampoo it, blow dry it and style it but then a little voice tells me I'd be better off working out or going to bed. So I do that instead.

- So what if Peanut happens to be a genius? I am a little worried she might use her genius for evil. She seems to be talking in a very serious manner and her facial expressions are so hilarious when she does it. AND . . . get this . . . she can say "thank you," "uh oh" and "doggy." Can you believe that?

- So what if the babies will be one in two months (from yesterday, to be exact)? I told hubby to quit using the "T" word. Toddler. I'm not ready yet. They're babies. Get it straight. Not toddlers, babies.

Guess what? I won something! Let me tell you, it NEVER happens! I enter all kinds of giveaways on blogs and I have never won, not even once. But I won this lovely knit cowl from Jennifer at Scraps of Life- the 64 Arts. Jennifer has many talents and you know how jealous I am of talented people. Here is a list of all her talents:

1. She can draw
2. She can cook
3. She's funny
4. She can knit
5. She's crafty
6. She is even good at math, because she's an accountant!
7. She gave me something, a fruit of her hard labors (that is a talent)

I'm sure she has many more talents but these are the ones I know off the top of my head!

This is the cowl that I won. It's a perfect color to wear with everything. I had a little butterfly pendant in it but Peanut ripped it out because she's a little naughty. Are you surprised to see a photo of me? I know . . . I don't allow them often because my self esteem is pretty low these days. Excuse my duck face, it was distracting Oshy boo from trying to get the camera. And I need to clean my mirrors.

The Next Lindsay Lohan

Except prettier and smarter, of course!

Not Fair

Being a mom has changed the way I look at other parents. I put myself in their shoes sometimes and it is such a bizarre thing to feel that for complete strangers.

Last night we went out to eat and of course the restaurant was packed, it being a Saturday night. Peanut was doing her usual hamming it up, engaging a stranger, then waving, then basking in the glow of the "awwww, she is so adorable." Yep, she knows how to reel them in. There were kids and families all over the place.

After a bench opened up we sat down and family came in with their daughter who was in a wheelchair. The little girl was severely disabled. Hubby and I sat in complete silence and I knew he was feeling how I was feeling. Her dad would rub her hands or her shoulders and stare at her so lovingly. He would lean down and wipe the drool from her mouth and give her a kiss. My eyes were full of tears. Even with being so sad for a little girl having to live that kind of life, I just felt terrible for her parents.

We often take advantage of little things, like being able to wait for the words "I love you" or "mommy" to come out of our monkey's mouths. I get frustrated now that they can get into everything, but last night I felt so incredibly thankful that they had that ability. Ocean had been screaming all day because one of his teeth came all the way out and I became thankful that he had the ability to be able to let us know he was in pain.

Just watching her daddy dote on her was so precious. I can't imagine how he is feeling. When we were offered the 12 week scan we refused after we found out it was to check for Down's (among other things) because we know we can handle it and from the many times through working with kids or Special Olympics that I have been around people with Down's I think they are lovely. I watched the Dr. Oz episode the other day on Autism, and while I would never want my children to have autism, that is something else I know I could handle. But for some reason, seeing this family made me so sad for them, all of them and I just couldn't picture myself in their shoes. It's not fair. It's not fair to go to a restaurant and see little healthy children running or sitting or climbing while your child is suffering. It's not right to hear a 10 month old babbling and communicating right across from you while your child who is much older can't communicate at all.

I also feel so uncomfortable saying I am thankful for what I have in regards to these situations. It almost sounds rude, like I'm glad it is someone else and not me. But I wish it was no one. And I am thankful for healthy children. I hope I can take advantage of it for every day that it is our reality.

So What Wednesday

- So what if I just put Justin Bieber on my iPod even though I am 27 years old? His music is so catchy and I listen to it all day with my kiddos at work so it just seeps into my head and I can't get enough. Embarassing . . .

- So what if I am too lazy to do laundry so I just wipe the puke off and spray some body spray on my outfit and call it a day? Laundry is boring.

- So what if I was so disappointed when the crazy chick on the Bachelor didn't have a freak out after she got voted off? All she did was lay in the back of the limo and blink a lot. Bummer. This is reality TV people, it's supposed to be ridiculous and overdramatic, not normal.

- So what if the point of yoga is to relax but I find it difficult? First of all, I'm out of shape, so it hurts. Second, I don't want to embarass myself because I am uncoordinated. Third, I wonder if the person behind me is enjoying my butt crack sweat or trying not to puke. And last, let's all be honest, I spend a good bit of time hoping not to fart. Eeew.

- So what if I have a strange obsession with my c-section panties? I have one last pair and I know I should throw them out but I am attached to them. Some people have blankies, others have c-section panties, right?

- So what if I know that I should leave my baby crying in his room so that he can mature a bit and learn to self soothe? I don't want to! I got the stank eye twice from hubby for going in and getting him out. He slept with me all night even. He is just so stinkin' cute I can't resist him! I love waking up to the sweet smell of baby. And baby pee and puke, because that is overwhelming my bed currently too.

We could not find Peanut, and we found her like this, in the dark bathroom, hanging on to the sink cabinet knobs for dear life.

Turns out she was quite proud of herself for this.

You may absolutely not feed the babies anymore. They are now big babies who can only feed themselves, they have decided.

My boo bear is just so precious to look at, like a little cherub! He's sleeping with Peanut's pillow pet.

Happy Birthday to . . . .

. . . . me!!

Did you ever wonder why you loved me even though you couldn't think of a single reason why (I'm just kidding with that, hopefully you can find many reasons)? It's because I was born on the day of love and loveliness just excretes from my pores naturally and overwhelms you with lovin.' Mmm hmm. I was meant to be born in March but the universe decided to honor my natural loveliness by sending my mother into preterm labor.

I am 27 years old today. This is such a boring birthday because it's just random. 27. T-3 years to 30.

What is the most exciting thing is that this is the very FIRST year in quite some time that I could not think of a thing to with for. I have been wishing for the monkeys for several years plus one year of wishing for the monkeys to be healthy so I was just dumbstruck last night when I was supposed to blow out my candle to make a wish. I just went for the regular old lottery win because I couldn't think of anything else! I guess I could wish to be skinny and hot but if I won the lottery I would just get a full body makeover at the plastic surgeon, Heidi Montag style.

My birthday has been a several day celebration.

Saturday:

-Morning workout at the gym with a friend where I spent more time chatting than sweating
-Afternoon shopping trip, just me and Peanut, where I bought clothes for myself, not hubby or the babies. It was lovely.
- I got my present which was . . . wait for it . . . A BOB REVOLUTION DUALLIE!!! I am super stoked. It get's its own post later.
-Dinner at my favorite place of all time, PF Changs. Hubby said we could do a babysitter, but I wanted to have my monkeys with me for my birthday celebration. Ever is a bad baby in the restaurant and Ocean is such a good, good boy so we were 50/50 on being embarassing by taking our babies to a restaurant that is clearly not for babies.

Sunday:

-Our first jog with the new awesome jogging stroller.
-Afternoon lunch with my in laws where I had a salad and a cookie, but ate a lot more cookie.
- Dinner with my grandparents.

Today:

- I was serenaded by a class of preschoolers this morning over my cell phone.
- Monkeys and I went on our second BOB run and made it 2 miles this time.
- I received loads of chocolate.
- For the first birthday ever, I woke up with one monkey in my bed and one in the next room, which was the best.

My handsome little love bandit.

Peanut found a marker!

It's also Valentine's Day so I will have to give hubby some recognition for being in love with me, although I think it's safe to say that should be his gift. (just kidding again, it's a tough job so I definitely owe him big)

Say What?

Target is one of my favorite places. I know, I know, big box stores are the devil, but c'mon people! Who doesn't love a place that you go for apples and peanut butter and come out with two baby outfits, a new thong, flip flops, a picture frame and an iPad (ok, the iPad is only in my dreams)? Target is AMAZING!

Well . . . tonight as we walked in a gaggle of teenage girls came up to ooh and aah over Peanut. One of them said "my mom is pregnant right now with her fifth child." Crikey's. Teenage to newborn? She came walking over and I said "wow, your fifth child? You look fantastic and you are a brave woman!" I always tell a preggo she looks fantastic because it is so nice to hear when you feel like a blimp, but she really did look fabulous, especially for having teens and a baby on the way!

Then she said, "I don't know about congratulations, this was a huge accident."

Umm . . . the infertile in me was horrified. And sad. It's just not fair for someone to be blessed with FOUR children and then another one and not even be excited.

She went on to tell her story about how she was on the depo provera shot but was also on antibiotics. She went to the OBGYN to get her next depo but they always do a pregnancy test just as a precaution and it turns out not only was she pregnant, but four and a half months pregnant.

Then something weird happened. I laughed. Instead of feeling horrified, I kind of thought it was funny. Mostly because she was being pretty funny and sarcastic about it so I didn't look like a jerk laughing thankfully. The horror faded away, I am still jealous and think it sucks for all of us infertiles, but I can see how it would throw you for a loop if your youngest was 10 and then boom, you accidentally got pregnant while on birth control when you thought you were done for life. The quickness of my horror disappearing and the ability to laugh at a situation that would have formerly made me cry makes me feel hopeful that I would be totally normal someday. Normal for me anyway.

After this random conversation, I wandered over to the baby aisle to pick up our weekly supply of three cans of formula. A family was walking by and the mom said "what a cute baby" about Peanut. Her little daughter, who I would guess in my expert kid opinion was probably four years old, stopped to look while her parents kept walking. She was super adorable in a big winter hat dragging around a stuffed puppy. She just stared at Peanut with her big eyes. Peanut stared back because that's how Peanut rolls and then her mother told her to catch up. She ran to catch up and I heard her ask . . .

"Mom, can we have that baby?"

Hahahaha! Kids are so funny. Her mom told her no and Peanut and I laughed. Peanut didn't know what we were laughing about but it's just something she does because she is a copy cat.

I love fun adventures at Target.

Crazy.

Sweetness.

So What Wednesday

- So what if I told my hubby that the cupcake I was eating was only 10 calories and that I truly believed it? Have you ever heard of thinking yourself thin? That is a new component of my diet.

- So what if I bought a Groupon (of which I am obsessed) for panties? Aren't these cute? I just like the picture but I probably won't order them because where on earth would I wear them? Now that I have munchkins in the house I don't prance around in my underwear and my booty is already big enough in my jeans that I would surely not try to stuff my fluffy buns into pants with these bad boys on.

- So what if I didn't watch the Super Bowl? I don't care about football and I also heard that this year's commercials were no bueno.

- So what if I just experienced a major parent fail moment and I had to hold off tears for hours? Ocean touched a hot humidifier but his hand was just a little pink. I put a cold compress on it and gave him loving but then needed to get ready for work so I put him on the floor thinking he was just being sensitive. As it turns out, my precious boo has a blister burn on his hand and I feel like the biggest poo-head on the planet.

- So what if I created a little Peanut monster? She does crazy things and I laugh and laugh and she has learned that this is what I will do. She even laughs at herself because she knows she is the funniest Peanut. Hubby says this will backfire on us someday, and that's probably true, but I just can't help myself!

-So what if I had every intention of making my own baby food? I have a food processor and bought all the little holders from Babies R Us and did it one time. After realizing that it only saved me .06 a jar, I didn't find it worth. Besides, we will be on all table food in a few short months anyway, woo hoo!

The babies are having a chat

Full House

Apparently it was kid weekend at my house and we had a house full the last few nights!

On Friday night my nephew came over who is 6 months older than Ocean and Ever. I was a little nervous because that is pretty close in age, my mom flew home for the weekend and hubby's out of town flight was delayed as well so it was just me and three little guys.

It wasn't bad! We were one high chair short so I created a chair with my legs so my nephew could eat at the table and I could simultaneously feed the twins in the high chairs. It was some slick manuevering and I was rather proud of myself.

He went home Friday night and my two cousins came over Saturday afternoon to spend the night. Yes, I said my cousins, not the babies' cousins. My grandparents have grandchildren and great-grandchildren that are the same age. I am the only dud in a family of fertiles, how did that happen? Back to the point - they are two little girls who are 6 and 3 years old so I had four kids in the house at once.

Hubby decided it would be a good idea to work all day so I was alone with them as well. Because I am a regular genius, I decided to put them all in the car and go to Monkey Bizness, this place that has a ton of those blow up jump jumps.

Wow.

That. was. hard.

Because of the two extra kids in the back (I had to borrow my moms car by the way, we can't fit four carseats in the Corolla) there was no room for a double stroller. I brought one umbrella stroller which Ocean rode in because he is getting SO heavy and then I carried Peanut and I just prayed that neither one of the girls would run into traffic in the parking lot. Apparently God loves me because we all made it safely indoors, where all four kids spread out immediately. Fast as lightning they went in all different directions. One by one they all got hurt or hungry so we packed it up to go get a snack. I got one of the girls a cinnamon pretzel which they refused to touch because it was messy, all the while Ocean was screaming like a banshee for a bottle. We could not get back to the car fast enough. But again, I was rather proud of myself for accomplishing this.

The children all pulled together to the destroy the house room by room. I did not have one second of time to sit and partake in any leisurely activity. At one point I was pulling Oshy off of the dog, while finding a babydoll for the baby stroller for the girls, while Ever was in the bathroom trying to splash in the potty which had not been flushed from a three year old pee pee. Nice.

I pulled some magic out of the hat by deciding we could bake cupcakes together. I really wanted to let the kids do it themselves as a learning experience.

Your eyes have not deceived you. There are really 3 different kitchen utensils stuffed in the kitchen aide and a cupcake shell filled with cupcake batter that is not actually in the cupcake pan. It was lovely to clean up. Clearly, we all needed a bath. Babies went first and then the girls. The babies were both offended that there were other people in their bath tub and headed into the bathroom to figure out what was going on.

PJ's were put on and fresh cupcakes were enjoyed.

The 6 year old did not partake in cupcakes but the 3 year old carefully licked off frosting, then put more sprinkles on the top, and then knawed on the top of the cupcake followed by just going ahead and eating all the sprinkles. At this point, Peanut and Osh were fast asleep in their cribs.

The girls decided the only place to sleep was in my bed. We all snuggled in and began an absolutely horrible movie called "Alpha and Omega." Hubby came up to get PJ's when the 6 year old said:

"Don't even think about it mister. You need to go on down to the guest room."

The poor man was banned to the couch in his own home by a 6 year old. After the night I had with hot bodies next to me, feet in my ribs and random sleep talking "popcorn popcorn" shouted out in the night he got the better end of the deal.

The good news: We all survived! It was fun actually. It was also exhausting and I definitely don't see myself being the mom of four anytime.

By the way . . . . .

Today is exactly one month until I will be on vacation!

I have 28 days to:

1. Stop eating completely
2. Figure out what to do with my body hair
3. Purchase the tightest spanx that money can buy
4. Find a swimsuit that doesn't make me cry

Help!!

Miracles Waiting

The heavy weight of our one little embie is on my shoulders. I have written about this previously.

I feel like if I had twenty embies it would be different, because obviously I would not want or need to have 20 kids. But we have just one and that is feasible. Just one more baby.

I am 99% sure that I don't want to give birth to any more kids and I am 150% sure that I never want to do any type of fertility treatment again, including an FET. Advice from other's is always "but that one percent, if you give your embryo away and you change your mind all hope is lost." That is the least of my worries. If I really change my mind and I am wanting another child more than anything, I will just have to do IVF again. I can say that because I truly do not believe that will happen. IVF is not free, by any means, and it was a huge financial burden the first time. The truth of the matter is that I almost feel like I didn't pay enough, because the monkeys are just so precious. I could always sell a kidney online or I could even sell my body if there is suddenly a market for strippers that are uncoordinated, not sexy and covered in stretch marks.

My biggest worry is how I will feel if the procedure is successful. After looking into it, I would want to know the outcome. I would want to know where this baby is, especially if Ocean and Ever would ever want to meet their sibling. Am I a strong enough person to give my embryo to someone else and see a photo of a little newborn Oshy or Ever look-alike and just be okay? The baby would be my baby, but not really at all. The point of me giving it to someone else is to give them their own baby, because after becoming a mom myself, I know it is the greatest thing that could ever happen to someone. Also, who would want a known donor with possible someday siblings? Do you think there is anyone like that?

I know I could just donate it to research, and I think it is great that people do that because research is good, but I just can't. Little embie was made with lots of love and care and all kinds of other emotions, not to mention scientific procedures and money. Someone could maybe be a parent because of little embie, and we all know that my embies turn out to be super gorgeous awesome lovies. Ahem, I'm so modest.

All this thinking lead me to the Miracles Waiting website. Knowledge is power I guess. It is very important to me that I can truly donate the embryos without the recipient having fees or anything (aside from shipping) to receive the embryo, I don't want anyone buying it or having to add tedious legal and invasive proceedings to their already hard situation.

People will tell me to wait until I'm 100% sure, but how could I ever be 100% sure? It's just not the same as closing the door on having kids, because I'm fine with that. It's not about deciding if I'm done, but in a way, I've already made one more kid. I know the odds are slim that it will really make another kid, but how can you ever be totally okay with deciding what to do with your own child?

Here is the current breakdown:

-85% towards donating to someone on Miracles Waiting
-10% use it for myself
-5% wait it out for all eternity

I don't have any new photos uploaded, so we'll go with some oldies.

Fresh babies!

It's truly unbelievable what has happened in the last almost ten months.

So What Wednesday

- So what if the Blizzard of 2011 (aka: Snowmageddon, Snowpocalyse, SnowMG, Snotorious BIG, Snoloscopy) came through and I got the death scared out of me driving home from work? I have been a long time desert dweller before moving to the midwest and blizzards just aren't my thing. I also had to be holed up in a school with some wild children. The good news: I get a day off today, woo hoo!!

- So what if I haven't cared for Phaedra on this season of Atlanta Housewives? She cried a little tear when she left her baby for the first time to go back to work and it was SO unexpected! But I like it. No matter who you are, going back to work is a toughie when you have the cutest baby(ies) in the world to leave behind for the day.

- So what if the babies woke up at 5 a.m. the other morning? As much as I love a full night of sleep, I love to have a reason to have two sweet babies in my bed in the morning. They are so smiley and sweet when they first wake up and after we drift back off to slumberland, seeing their sweet faces as my first sight of the day is the BEST!

- So what if Brad on the Bachelor thinks he is Dr. Phil now? He took his shirt off in the last episode and that is really all I ask. I love the long two hour episodes of the season and have withdrawals when a season is over, but I just want to know who is going to pick already!

- So what if I talk babytalk to my monkeys all day and then accidentally speak like that to adults? People say "you should speak to your babies like adults who can understand to give them a good vocabulary." Whateva. I don't buy it.

- So what if my body hurt like **beep** after running outdoors four miles the other night? I made it a little over four miles and it was only 30 degrees out! I have a long way to go, but I am still crossing my fingers for the half marathon in April.

- So what if I am going for 7 days to tropical paradise in the warmth? No work, no obligations. The problem is - no babies. I am getting increasingly nervous for that amount of time away from them. I've had a few moments of sheer panic. I don't know if I can do it . . . . Hubby and I need the reconnection time and I could really use a break, but perhaps a weekend trip would have been a better idea.

My babies are super busy these days! Here is Oshy boo playing.

We prefer to play with no pants on.

The worst thing about mobility is boo boos. I think I shave a year off my life span everytime it happens. I hate when they get hurt, even though I know it's bound to happen!

Peek-A-Boo Peanut