That Time I Lost the Twins in Target

Taking three small children to the store, any store, sucks. I work evenings and weekends so the odds of me finding the time to go to the store alone are so slim I don't count on it ever happening. Target is so kind as to provide an ample supply of the carts that fit three kids. Aldi's also has carts that are good for multiple children therefore they are the main two places that we shop (yes, food snobs, I didn't say Whole Food's, we shop at Target and Aldi's, THE HORROR). Aldi's isn't terrible because it is small but by the time we leave Target I need a case of beer or a Xanax or a weekend trip to myself. The kid's also tell me all the time "mommy, you have your hands full" because they have heard it so many times in public.

After a long and tedious Target trip that would take me 30 minutes max by myself, but has taken me nearly an hour and a half with the three littles we are finally ready to check out. I have mistakenly left out one jar of baby food to go towards my coupon that I brought. I let the lady at the register know that I am going to go grab one more, my two kids are in the cart and I will be right back. I tell the twins "do not get out of this cart, Mommy will be right back, stay right here."

Famous last words.

Baby and I run, literally, to the baby food aisle, which really isn't actually that far from the register. I grab the jar of food and run back to, you guessed it, not twins in sight.

I asked the lady where my kids are and she said "what kids?"

Alright, I know it is not her job to babysit my children but I would expect any decent human being to not watch two kids run away and not say a word so I must say, WHAT THE FUCK.

I turn out back into the open space behind the registers and start looking for signs of them. I don't see them anywhere. I start to panic. Obviously someone kidnapped them because they are so exceptionally attractive, smart and funny so I feel like I am about to pass out. I start briskly walking through the store calling out their names. People are staring, of course.Luckily, I started hearing "mom, where are you?" in the produce section.

I grabbed them and gave them hugs. Ever was really not phased at all. Ocean was in complete and total panic mode. When Ocean gets embarrassed he freaks out. He threw himself on the floor. I picked him and told them both sternly that I had told them to stay in the cart and I was so sad they didn't follow directions.

The peak of the action came when Ocean yelled out "but I fought you was a good mom!! you left us!" Crap. Really. People are totally staring now and one lady is giving me the worst look ever. I almost had a word with her but figured we looked bad enough already so I let it go.

There you have it, the first time I lost my children in public.