Mom Fail Number Infinity

Yesterday morning the Nut and I were eating breakfast and then roaming around the house. Osh was still asleep because he forgot that we don't have playtime from 1:00 a.m. - 4:00 a.m. (also he was sick, but he made a beeline for legos after his inhaler). I let our dog out and right in front of our glass slider was a big, nasty spider! I hate spiders. Hate, hate, hate. That little shit built a web all across the front of the door so you would walk right into it and take a spider right in the face.

After the dog squeezed out of the tiny opening I allowed due to the spider I shut the door. I banged on it hoping the spider would crawl away so I could destroy the web and it would leave forever. Instead, the little shit just waved it's creepy arms at me, basically telling me it was going to crawl on me and kill me if I touched it.

I looked in our locked cabinet to see what I could find. There are lots of earth friendly cleaners so I didn't think they would do much in my spider death quest but then I found some ant spray.

I opened the door just a smidge again to spray that little shit. The ant spray didn't come out into a direct stream, it was misting and getting everywhere. While I was thinking about what kind of a terrorist would make death mist I should have realized this was probably to be used on hard surfaces. Then I inhaled some of it and looked down and saw that the Nut was right under my feet.

I panicked! I couldn't believe I was spraying poison on my little sweet pea nugget. I slammed the door shut and looked down at her and she started screaming. I thought "oh no, my baby has ant poison in her eyes!!!"

That was not the problem. I had shut her fingers into the sliding glass door!!!!!

I panicked again and opened the door and picked her up and looked at her fingers. They weren't broken so we got an ice pack from the fridge. She screamed and screamed. I felt horrible! I gave her lots and lots of kisses.

It turns out that she was just fine. She got back in a good mood and we went to check on Osh. But she did go to daycare with the light scent of Eau de Ant Spray in her hair.

On Mondays and Wednesdays I am on my own all day with the kids due to hubby being in school. I got Osh undressed and was working on Ever because she had dump in her pants. He ran into the kitchen, took an unnaturally large pee on the floor and then slipped and fell running through it. Nice.

It's a miracle anyone lives in my house!

This is a photo of my children being disciplined by me. You can tell how terrified they are and how effective my punishment is. They have flushed the potty like 8 million times in a row.