Maybe You're Pregnant

I'm not, before you get any crazy ideas about this post beforehand.

I hate this phrase. Not because I want to be pregnant and it bothers me in that way, but because I just really hate it.

I have PCOS which gives me major hormone swings all the time. My PMS symptoms are exactly like pregnancy symptoms. If people around me notice I'm starving all the time and tired then here it comes . . . "maybe you're pregnant."

Ha, ha, ha.

Let's all make fun of the infertile person.

I know we all know that person you had irregular cycles and then got pregnant when they didn't try. The person who took a vacation or a break or adopted and then pregnant.

I am not one of those people. My eggs, not one, fertilized if they did not use ICSI (outside of egg is removed and sperm is placed directly into the egg). My eggs do not fertilize on their own. There is no vacation on the planet that will change the anatomy of my sperm hating eggs. If there was a vacation like that, trust me, I would have gone there because that would have to better than needles in my butt and my eggs being manually removed via an outpatient surgery.

I went to the surgeon to discuss what to do about this c-section issue and we spoke about a third child and our little embie frozen somewhere. I actually am not sure where because I have such panic everytime I receive the bill for the storage of the embryo that I can't remember where it was shipped to.

The surgeon asked about my cycles. I joked about how they are perfectly on time which is just nice now that I don't care about that. She told me that pregnancy can reset the body and I could be fertile now. I told her about my sperm haters and she said . . .

"Oh, probably not then."

Thanks. Would you like to slap me while you're at it?

Aside from hearing about how I could randomly become pregnant even from a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, we got down to the nitty gritty. She wants to do a sonogram to see how things are looking that she could provide to my specialist. I went to check out and the icky feeling set in again.

I did not schedule it.

I know for sure that I am absolutely not ready to deal with any fertility business. I don't want to see the state of my insides. I don't want to hear any statistics. And most of all, I do not want to think about a third baby.

I feel weird, like all women would have a 100 children if it weren't for fertility or money or jobs or daycare or whateva. But I don't want that. I also begged the universe back in the day for just one healthy baby. Please please please. I won't ask for anything more. I don't need lots of money or my dream house. I don't need to travel the world. I don't need that nose job that I have been wanting since the 2nd grade. All I needed was ONE healthy baby.

The universe gave me two. Bam. Done. I should not ask for more. These babies are not just healthy, but super awesome, funny, smart and amazing.

So, I'm not pregnant and there are no immediate plans of going there. Now just because I don't want to be doesn't mean that the universe will have a little chuckle at some reverse psychology and then I will just get pregnant like a normal person. I have a medical issue. The next time you see me binge eating a box of oreos dipped in peanut butter while looking like I could use a serious nap, for the love of Jesus, do NOT ask me if I'm pregnant. Thank you. Besides, I already broke the mold with Ocean and Ever and I'm not sure the world could handle more of this awesomeness.