But I also felt completely insane. We went from two to four in the matter of an hour when I walked in for my c-section. I was in more pain than I ever thought I would be. I decided to attempt breastfeeding, which sucked and I felt like an animal in the barn (no offense if you love it). I was always scared something would happen and even if I got the luxury of two straight hours of sleep (although that was rare) I had to wake up to make sure that they were breathing properly and sometimes to even check to make sure that I really ever had any babies. I worried I was doing everything wrong that would cause them permanent damage and they would never forgive me. It was pretty miserable. If we were out and about I knew someone had twins because they would come up to me and say "it will get better, I know you're miserable but after a year it will be better." No one told me this before the babies came so I was in shock.
Things started looking better around 6-7 weeks and really in the last month there have been big changes. They are sleeping more which means I am sleeping more and it makes all the difference in the world. I love their smiles and watching them hit all their milestones. I just love everything about them.
Last night I felt like I was high on mommyhood. I came home from work and they were both sleeping. I ate dinner and looked over at Ocean on the couch and he was looking around. I walked over and he saw me and gave me the biggest grin. I scooped him up and he nuzzled into my neck for a second then looked at me. He smiled again. I was looking at his little face and thinking how flawless he is, everything is just perfect and beautiful. He is just such a sweet boy.
Ever got up and she is such a wild little thing, I love it! She flails her arms around when she gets excited and it cracks me up. It was bath night so I gave her a bath where she splish splashes water. You also have to give her a washcloth of her own or she gets mad. I pulled her out of the tub and we went into the living room. "Dancing with the Stars" was on so I danced around with her naked booty and she giggled and laughed. Afterwards she had a bottle, went to sleep and slept for almost 11 hours!
I'm so excited that this just gets better and better. I can't imagine that it could get any better, and then things like last night happen and it's amazing. I spend most of my day counting down the seconds until I get to see my monkeys again. I'm so thankful that having my sweethearts is such a joy. I think about what it will be like when they are walking and talking and the future seems so exciting.
Now I have 8 hours of a work day, and then it's baby time!
I'm sorry the first 6 weeks was so hard! Our twinnos haven't arrived yet so this is definitely good information to have. Thank you so much for sharing! And I an SO glad that things have gotten better and you are enjoying mommyhood. You really do have two absolutely beautiful children! Nice work momma!!!:-)
ReplyDeleteI too suffered infertility and felt so ashamed and horrible that I did not instantly love being a mommy (and I had only one!) I adored my daughter but found it to be far harder than I ever expected and like you, worried so much. Fortunately, things did get better, having my son was a breeze and I wouldn't trade being a mommy for anything! You have beautiful children.
ReplyDeleteSee, with my years of infant care experience, I would relive the first 2 months over and over again! If I could just have the first year back to enjoy again I'd be in heaven!!
ReplyDeleteIt goes get better and better, but I will admit, it gets more stressful as they grow. You'll hit the stage where they no longer fit in their car seat carriers, yet aren't mobile and taking them anywhere becomes an aerobic adventure. You hit a stage where they are walking and craving independence, but you have ot keep them in a stroller or you will never be able to go anywhere because 2 kids never run in the same direction. Even now, at 4.5, I keep them in the cart a lot when shopping because they wander and being 4 yr olds, they aren't always aware they are stepping in people's way etc. Other shoppers are very judgemental and you will get lots of dirty looks when your kids aren't being "seen and not heard".
Savor the sweetness now! But you are right... better things are to come! (it isn't all stressful...LOL)
I'm glad things are getting easier for you guys. I can't imagine the adjustment it must have been. Your babies are absoultey adorable and I'm sure it's wonderful to come home to those sweet little faces. :)
ReplyDeleteI just love your blog. It is so refreshingly real and honest, and oh how I can relate! I was so miserable the first 6-7 weeks or so. I was lucky to shower or eat or to have any sort of organization or cleanliness in my house. I felt so out of sorts.
ReplyDeleteBut it does get better, doesn't it? Now I can be the appreciative infertile I was always meant to be, lol. And by the way, your little ones are just gorgeous!