Mama Fail

Being a parent is much harder than you would think. It's so easy to feel like a failure, mostly because parents are very competitive.

This is my blog, which I consider a journal, and I will say anything that I want to, whatever I feel. But in real life, I would only ever tell another parent that they are doing something wrong if I felt they were harming their child in someway and aside from an occasional dirty look I have never witnessed anything that required this.

It blows my mind when other parents ask me something that I do, look at me blankly, then promptly tell me to do something different. Example:

"How are the babies eating?"

"They both eat 4 ounces whenever they are hungry and Ever eats rice cereal because she wasn't satisfied with just formula. Ocean will try it again when he is 4 months."

Stare from person, followed by this response:

"You know that studies show babies that eat solids before 6 months are more likely to be obese."

Mental response. "You know that genetics with the combo of 44 ounce Mountain Dews twice a day followed by the bacon cheeseburger from the drive thru is probably a lot more likely to cause obesity?"

Real response: (smile) "Really? I didn't know that." Subject change.

Another example . . .

"What a cute picture of Ocean. Is that a Bumbo seat?"

Me: "Yes, he looks so cute sitting in it."

Person: "Oh no. If you let him sit in it then he is going to get messed up hips and need tons of physical therapy. Most places don't even sell them anymore."

Mental response: "Are you freaking kidding me?"

Real response: (smile) "Really? I didn't know that." Subject change.

I've already discussed breastfeeding in another post which always seems to bring out these types of responses as well. I know it is ridiculous to compare myself to other people. I also know everyone, including myself, always knows what they *think* they should do, but it doesn't always happen exactly that way. There are two things that will not be included in my parenting that I know for sure: yelling and spanking children in public places. Nothing would make me do that. Anything else though and we are a "go with the flow" and "whatever works best" family.

I recently received good advice from another person who I admitted to that I struggle sometimes with the weight of trying to do everything right, trying to be myself, trying to go to work and actually get things done, and trying to be a great mommy. In comparison to others, I seem to be failing.

Then I was told this about all the perfect parenting I see that makes me paranoid:

"They're probably lying."

I never thought of this! I guess I should have known that moms like to one up other moms. I just never have thought to lie to someone else about my monkeys. When people tell me their kid did this or that or their perfect methods of child rearing, I say "congrats" but I'm not sure how much I really think about it after the fact so it's not so impressive that it's worth lying for. Besides, I get impressed just by looking at my babies, do I really need to make something up about them? :)

So I may not be following a million parenting books to a tee and reading all the latest studies or running marathons two days after child birth or making six figures or teaching my 3 month olds to read, but my babies are healthy and happy. And cute. And they light up when I enter the room so clearly I am doing something right which gives me the continued ability to smile, nod, and change the subject.