Yum, This Crow is Delicious

Yes, I am eating crow. Why, you might ask?

Because I've been laughing at those of you with your schedules for a very long time. Since before I was pregnant, while I was pregnant and for the time up until recently. Ha ha ha. I thought "why did you have children if you wanted to sleep? Didn't you know that you don't sleep after children are born?"

But I know what no sleep is like. Spread out for months! I have almost 11 month olds that don't sleep through the night. In fact, they haven't made it more than 2 hours in their own beds since we have been home. I almost forgot what it was like to sleep so I didn't sweat it until I spent a week sleeping nine hours a night.

Awhile back I briefly tried some of the "crying it out" business. I don't have the balls for that. I can't look at my babies crying, no scratch that, SCREAMING with red puffy faces for me to pick them up and just pat them and leave the room. Of course I could just not go in the room to begin with but if they are crying I'm not sleeping so it's just easier to put them in my bed. I have to wake up repeatedly but at least I get some consecutive sleep. Five hours straight is really nice. Sitting outside their room listening to them cry when it is my motherly duty to pick them up and give them loving makes me feel like a failure and I just can't do it. But I'm tired. Real tired. I forgot after my week of relaxation (really, can you believe it only takes a week to forget?) that it is harder than I thought while contemplating mommyhood and then doing it to stay up all night, go to work for 8+ hours, and then still have everything left to do, snuggles, kisses, cleaning, and trying to get a smaller booty. I'm also a sucker of the suckeriest kind. When my babies cry, I just want to love them to smiles. I know it's in their best interest to teach them things, but when having a sweet snuggly monkey next to me is the alternative to screaming and guilt, I choose snuggling. I know. I'm a wimp.

So . . . . . I have been thinking of buying a book to learn what to do. I know it won't be as interesting as one of the "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" books but I will suffer through it if it will allow me to sleep all night. I'm tired and my house is a mess and I think the babies would love to sleep all night if they knew how.

If you'd like to gloat in the comment section, you may, I can take it. If you'd like to recommend something I would be thankful. If you would like to give me the Cliff's Notes version of a book that would be super.

My monks are walking a little bit. They look really funny when they do it.

Here is Peanut, overcome with joy that she can push her stroller across the room.

Oshy can climb the stairs faster than lightning. We have a gate up, but sometimes let him crawl up with us right behind him so he doesn't get a bonk.

The Vacation Recap

Ahhhh, I just like saying that word. I didn't realize how badly hubby and I needed a vacation until we took it. It was like I instantly melted into relaxation. I slept at least 9 hours every night. I took naps or slept in. I read a whole entire book, one that has pages by the way, old school style (actually I read all of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and half of the second one). I ate whatever I wanted. I did really long workouts. And most importantly, I tanned my whitey and spent seriously needed time with hubby. We reconnected and it was huge for us because parenting has really put a strain on our relationship.

First we went to Miami and stayed in a hotel. I still felt wrong and could swear Osh was crying in the room, but that was impossible because he was in North Carolina with Peanut and my mom and his great grandma (my grandma). I woke up Sunday morning feeling strange and detached so I worked out and then we went to the ship. Once we were on the ship I almost had a breakdown when I saw a few text photos from my mom.

Then the first beer arrived. It was all down hill from there. Smooth sailing, as they say.

Hubby and I had a really good time together and it was the first time in a long time (over 10 months to be exact) that we felt that way. We drank, we laughed, we talked. Most importantly, we slept. A lot.

We arrived in Samana which is in the Dominic Republic. I'm not a genius so I didn't realize it was connected to Haiti and the poverty was shocking. I mean really shocking. But the island was lovely, it was very untouched by big business. We went biking through a small trail through a village, we hiked to the "blow hole" and into a cave, and we went to a gorgeous little beach and kayaked.







Yes, this is me in a swimsuit. I know it ain't pretty, but just be glad you only have to look at it in pictures and don't have to carry it around with you.

We then went to St. Thomas which was supposed to be a big shopping extravaganza. It was for people who think buying $1200 diamonds and $800 watches is a super awesome bargain. Our shopping trip was mainly based around a big eyed stuffed turtle. The huge brown eyes attracted hubby and it reminded him of Peanut. But the eyes were scratched so he wouldn't buy it. We found it at another store but it had blue eyes and hubby said that the turtle must have brown eyes like his big brown eyed girl. We finally found the turtle. All the baby shopping made us bite the bullet and make an out of country cell phone call home. It was worth it!





This is me dancing in front of the cruise ship in St. Thomas. I wasn't even drunk. Scary.

The next day we went to Tortola and took a 30 minute boat ride to Virgin Gorda for hiking and snorkeling. I am wearing a t-shirt not because I am one of those people that does that to hide my lovely lady lumps, but because I was burnt to a dirty crisp and had to protect my bacon. The beach we hiked to was gorgeous. I swam in the water and it felt like heaven. Swimming in the ocean is one of my favorite things in the whole world. We hiked through rocks and climbed through little holes barefooted to get to our destination. It was so fun.



Above is me in the cave and below is my booty because I know you wanted to see it.



The next day we were at sea and we were jonesing for some babies. We talked about them all day and thought about them all of the seconds we weren't talking about them. I ate lots of food. Yummy.

We went to a private island for our last stop and it was relaxing. Just an island with a bunch of beach chairs. And alchohol.



That night we got dressed up and enjoyed our last night of sleep until the sping breakers woke us up in the night yelling "fuck this ship." Hmmm. That was a step up from the night before when they were barfing in the hallway.



This is me telling hubby to not take a picture of me. You will see that my legs look nice but I need new boobs. I will be working on that soon.



The happy couple! Rested, relaxed, and in love again.

While we set sail into the Atlantic, the babies were putting their precious toes into the very same ocean!








Hubby and I raced outside in our flip flops, in the snow, and ripped the babies from their carseats. We kissed them and hugged them and took them into the airport to get our luggage when we arrived. They were in their PJ's and had some serious WTF faces. They have grown and Peanut's voice changed, which was a shock.

We had a lovely vacation and I don't regret a minute of it. BUT . . . that will be our last non-baby vacation for a long time. Nine days was just too long. The sleep wasn't bad though. :)

I'm Baaaaack!!

I know you missed me. I missed you too but I could not pay you any visits because internet time on the cruise ship costs .99 a minute and I am a cheapskate. I would have had a guest blogger or something but beside being a cheapskate I am also lazy and I don't think ahead.

Now I am sitting in the airport in Fort Lauderdale, burnt to all crispy fried hell, waiting to go home and see my babies. My trip was so lovely and I promise to show you pictures if you promise not to laugh. Yes people, I allowed pictures of myself, even in a swimsuit. Woo woo!

But you will probably not see these pictures tonight or maybe not even tomorrow night or the next because once I get home I have to make up for lost time with my monkeys. I miss them so desperately! We decided this will be our last vacation for a long time without monkeys and we did enjoy it, but we both hit a wall around Thursday where we could do nothing more than talk about them and think about them constantly. We rushed to the airport this morning and found an earlier flight, but as I mentioned, I'm a cheapskate and they wanted more than $400 for four earlier hours. Ouch! Those freaking bastards, that is just mean. So I am now waiting not so patiently for our flight home where I am going to kiss and hug and snuggle two of the cutest babies in the world all night long.

Since I have four hours before we can even check in!!!! I will be able to read through all the things I've missed in the last week and it looks like it is quite a bit of interesting bits of your business!

So What Wednesday

- So what if I am going on a fabulous vacation that I need to go on to regroup myself? Dropping the babies off at the airport this morning knowing that I would not see them for almost two weeks was so not cool. I did okay until I had to put them in their strollers to go through security. They reached their arms up to me and cried. Ouch. Bawling from two babies and mommy ensues. Hubby has explained to me that for our whole marriage it has been about getting these babies and we need some time for each other and everything will be great, BUT, it just doesn't feel right.

- So what if I had twins? That doesn't mean that trying on swimsuits isn't a horrifying experience. I try to tell myself battle scars and blah, blah, blah but really, I look like a lumpy white dangler. Eew.

- So what if I followed cardio and over an hour of yoga class up with five donut holes? I'm an emotional eater and after what I saw in the department store mirror stuffed in a swimsuit I may as well! It couldn't get worse really.

- So what if there are bottles in the sink? There are no babies here, so I'm not gonna clean them. Not tonight anyway. My goal for tomorrow evening is to have a lovely clean house. I'm even going to rent a Rug Doctor to clean my carpets although I will most likely lose a limb trying to use because I almost burned the house down with our regular old vacuum.

- So what if I'm really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow? I am trying to look on the bright side and sleeping past 6:45 and ALL NIGHT which has not happened in weeks sounds really good, especially after a tear filled day and a vomit filled week.

Last week when the babes were ill, I took a picture of my sick Peanut. She is so full of life that it just broke a mama's heart to see her like this.

She is surrounded by her doggies and she loves her doggies!

Oshy laid with her for a little bit. Hubby and I are lazy, so he is in PJ's even though it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

On The Mend

I think the munchkins are on their way back to health. Phew. My poor sick Peanut slept a lot over the weekend. They are both very clingly. Some good news is that the weather is expected to be taking a turn for the warmer so I am hoping some more frequent fresh air will help out quite a bit.

Okay friends, I must share my excitement. The babies' first birthday invitations arrived yesterday!!!! Woo hoo! I can't believe they are going to be one in LESS than two months. Once we return from vaca, party planning will be in full swing.

I want to prepare you for tomorrow. I know it's "So What Wednesday" but I will give you fair warning that I will be an emotional basketcase. I am going to go to the airport tomorrow and put my two most precious monkeys in the whole world on an airplane. WITHOUT ME. For TEN days. 10 days. 240 hours. This is the way we roll in my family. We can just change scenery. We can go with the flow. BUT . . . . I think I may have to call the doctor to get some drugs because I tear up everytime I think about it. I know they are going to have a fabulous vacation and get spoiled rotten, which is the joy of every child, but holy smokes I'm not sure I can handle it. I haven't been to therapy in quite some time but maybe I should give the shrink a buzz.

My plan for survival: chocolate, yoga, running, alcohol, shameless reality tv watching and retail therapy.

I have not downloaded new monkey pictures so I have attached a throwback photo. It's a throwback throwback because it is me when I am 5. Now, when I say I've wanted always wanted to be a mom, it's true. At 5 I could get a baby out of a crib and give the baby a bottle. Mmm hmm.

Yes, I am a five year old carrying a newborn. Yes, I am rolling in a Catholic school uniform. Yes, my mom used to perm my hair. And yes, I used to be skinny. When I was 5.