Score One for Mommy

I am now flying solo, without help from my mom and am at home all day with the twins. Thankfully, I am so lucky that my grandma came over once during the day yesterday so that I could take a shower and do some laundry.

During my pregnancy I had twin guilt on several occasions. I put two embryos in knowing that we had a 65% chance of twins, so when I heard from the specialist that IVF twins don't "hold as well" and then from the OB that I was carrying so small that I wouldn't make it past 33 weeks, I felt awful for the risks I was exposing my babies too by being born prematurely. Luckily they were both wrong! I got twin guilt again when I got GD and heard the risks of premature lung function and blood sugar issues after birth. When Ocean experienced both, I felt terrible.

I experienced twin guilt yesterday big time. Both monkeys were hungry at the same time, but I only have two hands. I had to listen to one cry and cry for 15 minutes while we waited for the other to finish eating. I HATE hearing them cry when I can't help them. I felt terrible! Also while this was happening, I was so stressed I wasn't eating or drinking much and my precious breastmilk supply was dwindling. So not only could I not comfort my sweeties appropriately, but I was worried I was going to run out of milk for them.

This morning I was exhausted and again one started feeding then the other promptly started crying. I was about to begin crying myself when I grabbed the other bottle and attempted to feed them both. IT WORKED! I fed them each with one hand and then took turns burping them. Then I was able to sit and pump as one calmly sat in the vibrating chair and the other rocked away in the swing. I just stared at their sweet little content faces while I milked myself and I felt so much better.

Now if only I could teach them to sleep for 8 hours a night . . .

Silly boy


Precious girl


Me, the babies, their grandma and their uncles (my brothers)!

Bad Daddy

When we went for the babies check-up the other day, the nurse asked my mom to take Ocean with her in the other room because it would be easier to measure them separately. I didn't think anything of it. When we got in the car, my mom told me that the nurse asked if I had a husband!! My mom told her yes and she said that he had never come with me to an OB appointment during my pregnancy so she was concerned that I don't have a supportive partner.

I thought this was hilarious. But it is true that he had never even met the OB who delivered our babies and is now their pediatrician until the day we delivered. He came to a few specialist appointments and the appointment to find out the sex. I guess it does look bad. NO OFFENSE if you need this (seriously), but I just don't need my hubby to hold my hand through checking my weight and my blood pressure. Hubby pays all the big bills in the house so I don't feel that he needs to come to all my appointments. I know they check the heart beat but I am crazy and had a Baby Beat so we listened to the heartbeats every night. I did often notice that I was truly the only person at the specialist office without a significant other or a family member with them, but I guess I am just fine to do stuff myself. Is that weird? Apparently it is!

I told hubby about that and we both laughed. I would think it would be nearly impossible to go through an IVF without a supportive partner. Hubby was so sweet in the hospital. After bathing my messed up body for me when I was scared to death to stand, I can't believe he even wants to look at me still. The first time they asked me to stand up and it was clearly painful he jumped out of the bed and came running over to make sure they weren't going to hurt me. And now he is the sweetest daddy ever.

I guess I never thought it appeared that I was a single lady. I just hope a social worker doesn't come knocking for my support!! :)

Good Daddy time:



The dynamic duo:

Happy Due Date

Today is my due date. We were so excited when we found that out because 13 is hubby's lucky number. Today the babies are three weeks old and I am so happy I got an extra three weeks of monkey snuggles with them.

Yesterday was their first well baby check up. They are in perfect condition, but they are quite different! Here are there stats:

Ocean
7 lbs. 5 ozs. 21 inches long
59th percentile for height!!! 11th percentile for weight.

Ever
6lbs 1 oz. 18 inches long
9th percentile for height and 2nd percentile for weight!

Hubby is 6'1" and I am 5'4" so Ever will be short like mama and Ocean will be tall like daddy. I think that is hilarious. Could you imagine if it was opposite?

My sweet babies are now sleeping about 4 hours in a row, which means that I get 3 hours of sleep in a row as it takes about an hour to pump, feed, and then calm the baby. Babies are still sleeping in my bed. :) But oh well, they're only 3 weeks old! I am just super tired and they sleep so much better snuggled up with mama.

My help (my mom) is leaving in a few days and I am scared to death!!

Mother's Day

Yesterday was my first Mother's Day.

If you are infertile, you know that Mother's Day is like Valentine's Day for a single person who just got dumped by the love of their life the night before, except a little worse. Last year was bad, very bad. I stayed in bed the whole weekend and cried. If anyone said "mother's day" to me I cried. I didn't go to my favorite store, Target, for the two weeks beforehand even for groceries because all the Mother's Day signs were way too much. People in my life still remember how bad that was.

I had no hope for the future at all. I thought I would never be a mother. Only one year later, I have arms full of babies! I can hardly get them both together in my arms. Obviously I cried a few times yesterday, but it was happy tears. I look at the monkeys and still can't believe it sometimes. You would think after two and a half years of trying to get pregnant, 37 weeks of pregnancy, child birth, and two and a half weeks of them being with me it would have sunk in, but it's still unbelievable.

We had a pretty average day. Hubby gave me the sweetest card ever and a gift card to get pampered at the salon. My mom gave me some pjs and the best gift, I full night of sleep! I didn't even wake up to pump, so I pumped a whopping 9 ounces this morning. I received many sweet cards and texts and best of all, the babies met my dad, their grandpa, for the first time yesterday!



Me, Grandpa and Ever




Spending time with Grandma (my mom and savior)



The experienced major trauma yesterday, their first bath in a tub!

Ocean


Ever


Their eyes have been open a lot more. They have beautiful eyelashes, even the nurse at the hospital said she doesn't often see babies with eyelashes like theirs. I love watching them look around.

A Little Update

I would think of something more creative to title this but my creativity is on a break for right now . . . .

Here are some updates:

- We went to the doctor last week and were told that the babies should gain their birth weight back in two weeks. Ever actually passed her birth weight at one week and was at 5 lbs. 7 oz. She is still such a tiny little peanut! Ocean is almost there at one week and weighs 6 lbs even.

- They have completely different personalities. Our wild child will definitely be Ocean. He makes the weirdest noises and the funniest faces. If you are feeding him and don't look at him he grunts until you give him attention. Ever is a little sweetheart. She just snuggles up to you and has been keeping her pretty eyes open a lot more lately.

- We don't do breast feeding at all really. Ever tried it last week and did well but Ocean wasn't really into it. So I pump. Every 2 and a half to 3 hours around the clock. Ocean gets really fussy in the night like he is starving so he has a bottle of just formula because it fills him up better, but mostly both babies get exclusively breast milk in the bottle. It's a little harder on me because I have to be up more, but it makes going places either and hubby and grandma get to feed them as well, which is nice.

- "You look tired." I hear that a lot. That would be because I am exhausted. Last night I put toothpaste in my contact case, I had both babies sleeping on me and didn't even hear my midnight alarm for pumping, and at the 6 a.m. feeding I pulled out a bottle, didn't screw in the bottom and dumped my freshly pumped milk into it. It leaked out everywhere. That was the final straw and I cried so my mom told me to go back to bed.

- Ocean and I went for a walk outside yesterday. I put him in my metro mama sling (thank you Sally!) which is fabulous and we walked to the end of the street. He really enjoyed it. When hubby got home he took Ever out and she wasn't as into it, but she also wasn't snuggled up tight in the wrap. I'll have to post pictures of the wrap, it's really cool.

- I gained 32 pounds during pregnancy and have lost 34 pounds as of yesterday! Woo hoo! I am SO ready to get in a hardcore work out, but I have a month left before I can do that.

Now for photos!!

Hospital pictures:





Our first family photos:





Their announcement pictures: