I Know What Hell is Like

I decided that it would be a great and fun idea to travel with my family out of state for Thanksgiving and help hubby pick up our minivan. In my mind, I thought it would be so fun to have one last hurrah as a family of four. The twins are excellent and expert traveler's so it would just be a grand old time.

Well . . . . . let me highlight a few photos for you that portray their emotions during this trip:

Wednesday afternoon we all headed to the airport. My flight was booked in advance of hubby's and the twins so they were on a different flight because mine was full. We were all packed and ready to go and the twins were thrilled to get to ride the airplane.

Both my flights went smoothly, I had no swelling, it was great. My flight landed an hour before theirs did so my brother and I waited for them. Osh man got off the plane and came running toward me. His eyes were droopy and glassy and his cheeks were bright red and dried out. Shit balls.

We got to my parent's house and he was still warm. I gave him some pedialyte and we all hit the sack. 3 hours later there was vomit everywhere. I mean all over the place! We all got out of bed and cleaned up. I drove to CVS at 3:00 a.m. to get Lysol to spray down the house because I didn't want everyone to get sick. By the time I was home, hubby had puked too.

I went upstairs to sleep with Peanut. We woke up in the morning and let hubby sleep. I was playing with the twins and felt a little icky. Then I puked. And then I puked again. And then I had other fun stuff and felt like someone kicked my ass, so I went to bed and stayed in bed the rest of the day. For my Thanksgiving feast, I ate ramen noodles and Gatorade. Yummo.

Osh man never quite recovered and went back and forth with a fever and occasional puke. We are sickness experts so rolled with the flow. We purchased our van. We tried to do something fun but they felt like crap and were exhausted.

We hit the road to drive back about 15 hours in two days. The first day wasn't bad. Osh man picked up another high fever, but we all slept great and were ready to roll the next day.

This is where the Hell occurred.

We hit the road around 10:00 a.m. Our GPS said we would make it home in about 7 hours and 23 minutes. We planned to stop at the St. Louis Zoo for a little fun so it would be more like 10 hours total including pee stops, zoo trip and dinner stop.

We hit traffic not one, but four times. Two out of the four times it reduced our speed from 75 MPH to 5-10 MPH. The other two times we were at a dead stop, with one of the times we could actually put the car in park and sat there for 20 minutes. Hell.

Osh man was clearly feeling like death. His eyes were droopy again and his face was swollen. He wasn't eating or drinking. We got to a gas station and he said his tummy hurt. I pulled him out of the carseat and he promptly barfed all over. We changed clothes and then got back in the car. Hell.

We stopped for lunch at McDonald's because the kids needed to run around. They actually had a great time and it was cute, although none of us really wanted to eat the food. The bathroom was absolutely disgusting and hubby changed Peanut's poop in my seat and left a poop rag by accident on my seat. Nasty.

We were trucking for awhile and I noticed some pain in my hand. I was swollen like a balloon! My feet were so fat I could hardly get my Sperry's on.We had to stop somewhere so I could walk around and chug water. We found a playground. Osh man was so sick he just got out of the car and laid on the ground. After some walking and water the swelling went back down a bit. I quickly transferred my wedding ring to my pinky finger because I have heard horror stories of them having to be cut off. Hell.

We stopped to eat dinner a bit later. We looked like a pack of homeless people. Osh was now so sick that he could barely keep his eyes open and literally flopped over and passed out at the table. We went to get him some meds. He passed out again after awhile, but he was crying that we "peas" hold him. It made us feel so guilty.

Because I decided it was important to chug water, I had to pee a lot. After a bout of traffic we got to a rest stop. Hubby ran in to pee and I held Osh man for a bit. Peanut asked if this was Grandma's house. I told her no. She said "peas take me home." I told her I wanted to go home and we were going home as fast as we could. She told me that I needed to take her home too and I have to share with her because she NEEDS to go home. I went potty and then we left. I was feeling pretty queasy and noticed a sprite in my door. I opened it and took a big chug. To my surprise it was not Sprite. It was effing BENADRYL. I started motioning for hubby to pull over so he did. I opened the door and spit it everywhere. I had swallowed a little. Benadryl was in my hair and all over. Hell.

Hubby informed me that we needed to go to the airport and get the car that we had left on Wednesday. I was having pretty decent and steady contractions and over all feeling like crap. Luckily Osh was passed out but Peanut was still playing iPad games. I was a little drunk from Benadryl and feeling the burn and pressure down below from an unhappy fetus. After some looking we found the car. I got out and couldn't hold it. I peed everywhere. I'm talking at least three parking spots of pee. Hubby was scared, he said there was no way that was just pee. I was pretty certain it was pee, but to be honest I just wanted to go home so we went home. Hell.

Our trip that should have taken us 7 hours and 23 minutes and maybe 10 hours with fun stops (which we did not do at all) took us roughly 14 hours. Yep, bad idea.

The good news is we are home now. And we aren't doing that again anytime soon. And I lost a few pounds. And having a van is great, the space is awesome! I think I need about a week's worth of bedrest at this point to recover, but other than that, we will survive!

The Stuff I Thought I'd Do

When I was imagining myself as a parent, I had an idea in my head about what it would be like. I thought about the things I would do and how it would all turn out.

Well . . . . reality hasn't been quite the same.

1. I thought I would make all their baby food.

I bought some supplies and got to work. I did want them to eat organic so that means I have to drive to Whole Foods. Whole Foods food costs an arm and a leg. Then I printed the recipes off the internet and cooked up a few items.

I did this exactly once.

It was boring for one thing and I was awake when I wanted to be asleep. I'm not exactly a great cook so it also looked a little weird. I pulled my receipts and did the math. Between driving to Whole Foods, buying the expensive organic stuff and then spending valuable sleeping or baby time cooking food it just didn't seem worth it. At all. So I never did it again and just bought baby food at the store. I will more than likely do the same this time!

2. I thought we would be an a rigid schedule.

I work with kids so I know that scheduling is important and routine can make or break your day. But when the twins came, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't finish up feeding one munchkin and look at the other sweet munchkin sleeping so peacefully and wake them up. We didn't take naps on a strict schedule. We just went with the flow. We eat when we're hungry and sleep when we're tired. If we want to go to the park instead of do something on the schedule, that is what we do. As soon as they turned one, bottles would be out the door. Confession: They still get to have a bottle a day if they want one.

I know I made my own life harder. I'm going to try to do a little better this time, but in reality, probably I won't.

3. I thought I would be strict.

Tantrum? Time out! Not listening? Time out! Eat all your dinner or don't leave the table. My children would sit perfectly and quietly out in public at all times. Etc. Etc. Etc.

That definitely does not happen. One night Peanut was driving me nuts. She was being indignant, would not do a single thing I asked her. I completely freaked out. Then I cried for hours and I will never forget the look on her face when I became that strict, stern parent I thought I'd be. I've never been that harsh again. We do time out pretty frequently (I know it's shocking that the twins get a little crazy on a regular basis). I also try to remember that they are just now starting to be able to verbalize what they are needing or wanting or experiencing. We are working on sorry's and hugs and using nice touches together.

Sometimes when they are throwing tantrum after tantrum after tantrum and I want to totally freak out, I remind myself that something might be going on and they aren't trying to kill me. I pick them up and rock them in my arms and sing "it's okay, it's okay" until they are calm. I got a little teary eyed the other day when Peanut picked up her puppy and rocked it back and forth and started singing that little song softly in the puppy's ear. I had a moment of pride that I did something that stuck with her and made her feel better and she wanted to copy it, so I'm good with this too.

4. I would NEVER let the kids sleep in my bed.

My son is two and half and sleeps in my bed about three nights a week. I don't care. Enough said. Baby 3 due to space issues and my visit with reality of not wanting to go into another room all night will just have it's room in our room. Anytime they are calling for Mommy and need snuggles, they get them.

I've gone back on a lot of things I thought would lead to perfect parenting. There is no such thing as perfect parenting and I feel like we're doing pretty well and I am definitely biased, but the twins are so smart and funny and loving and awesome, so I can't be screwing up that bad and I'm not sure that making my own baby food would have changed that so much.

This and That

Wow, I have been sucking at this.

1. Halloween

Halloween was awesome this year. It was the first trick or treat year. We had a lot of grand plans for the twins wearing coordinated costumes but they insisted on being a pirate and a princess. They loved dressing up! Peanut hated trick or treating but Osh man loved it. Peanut hates strangers and Osh doesn't, he said "trick or treat, smell my feet" at every house. That was kind of embarrassing. We did a practice afternoon where they rang our doorbell and I opened it and they yelled out trick or treat. Do not do this. It's fun the first few times, but after the 5,438th time you open the door it gets old (for you, not the toddlers).

2. Baby 3

Baby 3 is a big beast who is measuring ahead. I am NOT letting myself believe I will go early because I don't want to psych myself out and then get freaked out when it doesn't happen. Everyone is always saying how huge I am and how I will go early. This scares me to find out what I will look like if I do go all the way to 40+ weeks. I am going for my offical VBAC consult soon so hopefull we will have that in the bag and we will just be going about our business until Baby 3 gets here. I also don't have a solid name for this little one. Any ideas?

3. First time preggo moms

I didn't realize until this second pregnancy how annoying first time preggo mom's are. Holy cow. So annoying. So sensitive. I can't take it. I especially love the ones who try and tell me how this or that should be done or think I'm making stuff up if they ask for advice and then don't like it, while they are still pregnant, for the first time. Bitch please, this ain't my first rodeo. And I am sure I was just like that when it was me. Becoming a parent is very humbling and helps you learn many things that you can't learn in theory. It's like looking back on yourself as a teenager and cringing remembering how you think you know how life will be, but it turns out to be nothing like that. Awkward!

4. Politics

I am really glad this election is over. Most of my friends are Republican. I am not Republican. I'm going to need a few months to move past the horrendous things they have been posting for the last few months that make me wonder why I am friends with so many elitist, racist, hypocritical freaks. I hope our friendships endure. For real. Especially on the handouts and lazy comments. I would have liked to post to Facebook that I will go ahead and bend down now and they can kiss my educated and gainfully employed Democrat ass, but I tried not to go into politics so I'm going to stick with it. Maybe . . . .

5. Road trip

We are taking a road trip to go buy a mini van. Yes, I am getting a loser cruiser! I am not excited to pay for the gas in it but we will work it out so we have NO car payment. That is the best. I also might not hit my kids heads on the roof so often putting them in their seats like I do with the twins in the Corolla. I have to admit, I have always seen myself rolling with my kids in a mini van. I know that's not cool, but it is what it is. The hubster thinks this is a terrible idea for me to go so far in the car at the stage of pregnancy I will be at, but the OB said that she will print my medical records to take with me in case Baby 3 decides to come early and I will pack a few hospital items. I'm really excited for this little trip together, one last time before we are a family of five!

6. Big kids or babies?

Hubby accuses me constantly of treating the twins like babies. They are my babies. When they are 30 and married and I am a grandma they will STILL be my babies. But I do baby them. I let them have baby bottles in the morning if they want one. I should move them downstairs so they have a bigger room to share and we can get them twin beds but I just can't imagine having my babies on a different floor than me. For one, that is scary. For two, the other day I fell asleep on the couch for 10 minutes because I was so tired and Osh colored the flat screen with green crayon so I know if they escape in the night the house is likely to be destroyed. I had a psycho mom moment and told Hubby they cannot move downstairs until we put alarms on all the windows (we already have them on all the doors). It's just too scary for me. Can you believe someday I will have to let them drive cars and date and go away to college? The horror!!