Mommy Wars: Working Mama vs. SAHM

If you are ever bored and feel like entertaining yourself by pushing someone's crazy button, go up to a mom and you can count on certain issues to put them on the nutty train. Not all moms of course, some of us are more concerned with out own lives than those of others, but some moms are very opinionated on what lifestyle all families should leave.

I am a working mom. For some people this idea is just awful. I am a bad parent. I didn't make all the sacrifices necessary to be able to stay with them. Currently they are with the next best thing, Grandma, and in a few months they will be headed to daycare. To a daycare that was previewed by our foster kiddos and they loved it. Based on some opinions that I have recently received, I may as well drop them off at an orphanage because I must not love my children very much if I am considering daycare.

I do not have a fancy shmancy career and I am not at work so that I can afford my BMW, my manicures, and a pricey wardrobe from Nordstrom's, such as some mom feel must be the only reason a parent would work. The last time I went to the nail salon was in October and it was a treat from my mommy. I drive a Corolla which does not have a car payment and gets amazing gas mileage. I continue to drive it even though it looks like a clown car when my over six foot hubby steps out of the driver seat and then twins pop out the back. Don't get me wrong, I think there is nothing wrong with hard working moms spending their money on BMW's and Nordstrom's at all, in fact, I admire those Mama's. But for some judgemental beyotch to try to tell me if I just gave up a Starbuck's run and an SUV and then my children would forever be grateful and I would be a "real" mom just makes me angry!

What I do have, which in my opinion should be a basic human right, as a result of my job is benefits. I can take the sicko monkeys to the doctor anytime because I work. We can go do fun things on the weekends because I work. We can take trips to see Grandma and Grampa because I work. We can wear clothes and eat food because I work. If I did not work we could still eat and have a house, but that's about it. I have never judged a parent for staying home. To me, that is a luxury, so I can't fathom why some women are so judgemental towards working mother's. There are very few long term differences between children who stayed with their moms and those that went to daycare. Around 5 children who were in daycare instead of at home are both more likely to have aggressive behavior (not good) and also more likely to have better vocabularies (good).

I work with children and was watching at a field trip we were on. I have guilt and I of course get jealous when I see moms at the park with their kids. The thing that made me feel more contented that day was watching three moms with their children. They sat and chatted while their children played (which I have no problem with whatsoever). They had 5 children between the three of them. Then I watched what was going with us. We had 27 children between the 3 of us and to be completely honest, our poor, sad, unloved daycare kids were getting as much, if not more attention as the kids there with their moms. I know that the daycare that the babies will be attending is awesome. I love the teachers and the environment. Do I wish that I could be happy and we could do all those things together if I was at home with the babies? Of course! But for today, it's not possible. If I had the luxury of staying at home, I think I would still choose to work one or two days a week and I don't feel bad about that. To say that I absolutely couldn't stay at home without lots of sacrifices is a lie, but I don't want to make those kinds of sacrifices because I don't think they would be very beneficial to Ocean and Peanut.

I remember when I was a nanny in college and we would hang out with the stay at home moms and their kids. One of them pulled me aside and asked me if the parents loved the children that I watched. I was completely astonished. The kids I watched are their parents pride and joy. The time they spent together was the highest quality of any family I'd ever seen. Their parent's played video games with them, cooked with them, they went skateboarding together. I just thought it was unbelievable that anyone would even ask that question. That was my first taste of the judgemental world of mommyhood.

I've received my own comments from strangers, friends and family. I had a coworker who is unmarried and also not a mom herself tell me all about how she would never work after having kids and if she couldn't afford to stay home she just wouldn't have kids. She was saying this to me as I was sitting at my desk, working. With kids. Many things ran through my head but I stopped myself from giving her a lecture because it would be lost on her. So I changed the subject.

Aside from wanting to slap sense into her, I felt a pang of guilt. Should I have waited until it was an option? But I know firsthand that dreams of what life should be like and what reality has in store for you is very different. It took all the money we had just to get the babies, so time that we could have been paying things off and saving was spent at the RE's office on tests and procedures. If my eggs were rotten losers at 23, what would they be at 35 when our student loans are paid off and we had years of careers under our belt? It probably wouldn't have been good.

The other thing that makes me so angry is when stay at home moms tell me that they have to clean all day and it's very hard, much harder than having to go to work. Listen lady, I have to clean too. Just because I work doesn't mean that the laundry fairy and the toilet cleaning bunny stop by as a gift to me.

The moral of the story: I don't need anyone telling me that I should stay home. I have happy, loved, extra adorable babies even though I have a job (unbelievable, right?). I like having money in my bank account even though I'm a mom. I don't understand the judgement as I don't think mothers who stay at home are lazy and rich or aren't as smart as I am (I hear some people say that being at home is not intellectually stimulating enough for them, which I also consider rude because you are basically saying you are smarter than a stay at home mom, so that's not cool either). I don't need any help feeling guilt for not spending all my time with my children, but thank you anyway for trying to do that for me. I love my kids as much as anyone although I shouldn't have to explain that to you.

The monkeys might be more likely to punch your kids in the face when they go to Kindergarten, but they are also more likely to be smarter than those kids because I am "dumping them off" at a good daycare and heading into work to bring home some bacon and healthcare. So there.

The Sleep Sitch Update

Our situation has vastly improved in the last week. I have had no little people in my bed for a full week now and for two days in a row, I have woken up before the babies. Who woulda thunk it?

I wish I could suggest a miracle book or plan or something, but when I went to Barnes and Noble to buy some type of method I just couldn't. I have found pregnancy, birth, parenting and baby books to be boring as hell. Truly, they suck. When I was on bedrest I tried with all my might to read some baby books but I would much rather watch TV or read something interesting at least. Hubby made fun of me and told me most normal mamas would be reading those books and not watching vampire porn all day (I watched True Blood, Big Love and Pineapple Express over and over). I purchased a photography book at Barnes and Noble and then continued reading "The Girl Who Played With Fire" by Stieg Larsson which happens to be AWESOME!! My spare time is so small I want to be entertained, not bored to tears.

I also wish I could take credit for this amazing feat but I can't. It turns out I'm a little wussy when it comes to my own kids. If the babies cry in the night I have to wake up hubby. I just can't look at them reaching out for me and not pick them up and let them sleep with me. I know that they don't really need me, they are just ringing the chump bell because they can and they know who the resident chump is. Hubby faithfully gets up about once a night (which is a huge improvement over just a week ago) and pats their backs until they go back to sleep. I put a pillow over my head or cry a little or panic and think "I'm just going to grab them and that's it" but before I do they are back to sleeping well. Neither one of them woke up at all last night.

We have a rather late bed time, but we like it and works for us. The babies are just in bed by 9:00 p.m. and they have slept until 7:45-8:30 the last two mornings and a little earlier than that during the week. They have a bath every night at 8:00 p.m. and then they get a bottle. They do their best to not make us take them to bed or they will just pass out.

I have had much more energy. There was no arguing in our house over the weekend. I have done a 9:45 p.m.-10:30 p.m. workout twice now and I already feel better. At just a little over 11 months old, we are finally getting good sleep that has lasted more than a night or two and it feels lovely. I'm getting the sleep I need, hubby is getting the sleep he needs and the babies are getting the sleep they need while we all get to enjoy each other. That's what I'm talking about!

Mom Saturdays

Mom Saturdays are different than my old school Saturdays. In the old days, you know, 11 months and 5 days ago, I would sleep in. Then I would get up, maybe, or just lay around in bed. I might watch TV or read a book or stare into space. I might work out. I might go shopping. I would definitely take a nap. Hubby and I used to see tons of movies so we would do that. But it's whatever. Mom Saturdays are crazy. Fun, but crazy.

6:55 a.m. Peanut cried and I get her and she drinks a bottle in my bed. We play around until 7:30 and then go downstairs.

7:55 a.m. I take her upstairs after being unable to locate my checkbook to pay for my upcoming hair appointment. I wake up hubby and tell him that I need to get ready to go because I'm going to have to go to the bank and get some cash.

8:15 a.m. Osh wakes up as the super smiley sweetheart that he is and I get him out of his bed. I throw on jeans and a sweatshirt and kiss the babies bye bye.

8:25 a.m. I arrive at the bank and get cash.

8:45 a.m. I roll through McDonald's for a coffee

8:55 a.m. I pull up to the hair salon and get my hair did. Blond highlights for summer and a haircut. I like it.

The picture is blurry because my camera battery is about to die and I can't find the charger. I am about to karate chop hubby in the neck because I KNOW he knows where it is but he won't tell me to teach me a lesson about putting things away.

11:00 a.m. Arrive home to babies still in the jammies and hubby playing with them on the floor. I let them crawl up the stair because they love to do it but I watch them closely because our stair are steep. <

em>11:30 a.m. We decide that hubby and babies should get dressed and we should do something.

12:15 p.m. Everyone is dressed but we almost forget to feed the babies their lunch. They have turkey, cheese and strawberries. We load up the bag and head out.

12:40 p.m. We arrive at our destination, a massive homestore. We eat lunch there while the babies eat our food too. We can't eat anything without them getting into it these days. I drool all over Canon lenses. We lay on mattresses while the babies watch us. We fall in love with a mattress and then look at the price tag which was $8,000. Yeah, right. Ever does her usual business of staring at people until they look at her and say "aww, how cute" and then she smiles which then makes them laugh. She is trouble.

2:00 p.m. We are back in the car and deciding what to do. Jo Ann's? Hobby Lobby? Carter's? Carter's wins! We buy their birthday party onesies at a boutique store and then a few things at Carter's. We take the monks to the play area but the kids there are wild as hell. We try another play area and it is the same. We finally find a jump jump place with a little area where little ones can play for free so they do that for awhile. We run into my boss, who Ever decided to try to kiss on the mouth. We roll through a dollar store to see if there is anything to pick up for the birthday party.

3:45 p.m. We are back at home and the babies are MAD! They play for a little while and then start fussing. We give them a snack but they mostly throw it on the floor while we yell "NO NO NO" but this doesn't stop them, it just makes them laugh.

4:15 p.m. Hubby lays down on the couch while watching his dorky science channel shows. I plunk Ever on his lap with a bottle and blankie and they pass out. I find "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" on TV and Oshy and I play for awhile and then I put him to sleep. Everyone is asleep but me. I clean the highchairs which are completely disgusting and then make a hair bow for Ever.

6:45 p.m. My family decides to wake up. We drive to Jason's Deli to eat dinner. The babies try their first hot dog and they LOVE it. Ocean delights in throwing some food on the floor while Ever tries to touch the baby behind us. Ever then gets her favorite thing, a pickle. What baby likes pickles? My weird baby does. The babies both seem to have a staring problem, they just stare at people all the time, but they come by it honestly because I have that same problem and I am an adult. Hubby even comments how they are nosey like their Mama.

7:45 p.m. We stop by Blockbuster. Osh is starting to fuss so I run inside. People are staring at me running and powerwalking and I tell myself it is because I look so hot with my new highlights even though I know it's because I look like I am running with a corn cob up my butt. I choose "Due Date."

8:15 p.m. We get home and put the babies in the bath. I get jammies and fire up the humidifier and load up the bottles to be washed and put clothes in the laundry while hubby washes monkeys. After a quick look in the mirror I decide my highlights are too gold and shiny. Crap.

8:35 p.m. The babies play around for awhile. Ocean pushes a truck all over the house which I find adorable to watch my little boy doing little boy things so I kiss him. Ever crawls into her carseat and screams at Ocean anytime he tries to get in too.

9:00 p.m. Babies have 7 ounces of bottle and fall asleep.

10:45 p.m. Hubby and I finish watching our movie and then wash bottles, make night bottles and let the dog out.

11:08 p.m. We hit the sack. I am exhausted.

So that is a Mom Saturday. I used to cumulatively do 5 things in an entire Saturday and maybe 2 things on Sunday (sleep and eat basically) but not anymore! My babies are so fun now that they love getting out and exploring things.

So What Wednesday

-So what if America has an obesity problem? I do NOT, let me repeat this, do NOT want to see how many calories are in my food when I order at a restaurant. When I go to McDonald's I have no intention of eating healthy, otherwise I would stay at home and make grilled chicken and eat a salad. I want to eat fries, burgers, nuggets, shakes and I don't want to know that the total calories in those things are around 7,000. Ignorance. Is. Bliss.

- So what if Oshy can't walk? That doesn't stop him from standing up and shaking his groove thang. Watching him dance is SO adorable, he all out wiggles his booty and bends his knees up and down. I love it.

- So what if I signed up for a 10K today even though I rarely run more than a few miles once a week? After a FULL night of sleep, yes, you read correctly, the babies slept ALL NIGHT, I feel like I can do anything! Besides, I hate wasting money and I already paid for it so even if I crawl to the finish line I will definitely be there and finish.

- So what if I cried as long as the babies the first night of cry it out? It was hard the first night and last night also, but it seems to be working. They aren't crying for very long, 15-20 minutes max, but it does seem like hours to me. I hate it, but they need to learn to sleep well and soothe themselves a little.

Thanks for sharing all your stories and insights on my last several posts! It made me feel better for sure and I appreciate that.

The Real Deal

This is about my relationship. Fair warning, it may be difficult to read if you are currently pregnant, but it's just reality.

While I was pregnant I read on a message board that parents of twins have a higher divorce rate. My pregnancy hormones took over and I was like "oh yeah right, that makes no sense. When you have to parent two babies at once you have to be even closer because it will most likely be tough. Besides, we are more in love than ever." Those are my thoughts from my mind at the time. Denial. Big denial.

As all relationships, especially ones that have lasted for awhile, there are ups and downs. Fighting and bliss. When we first got married it was a down. I wanted to move to North Carolina and we made plans. I looked at houses even. Then he chickened out and I was beyond angry with him. I did not want to marry him. On top of that, I didn't want to have a big wedding but he did so we went with it. I had icy cold feet about the whole thing. But several months after, things just calmed down. Then we figured out that I am reproductively challenged and we became closer than ever. After we found out I was pregnant, it was like a dream. We were in big time love, undescribable really. It was magical.

I had been warned that post-baby relationships can be tough, especially the first six weeks, but I didn't believe it. When we were in the hospital I was over the moon in love with hubby. He was amazing. After we got home, things didn't go so well. My natural mama kicked in but he was still learning, which lead me to nag his head off constantly, making him unhappy. He also supposedly doesn't hear the babies when they wake so I was severely sleep deprived while he slept, which made me angry. Also, kids are not cheap, so then there were possible money issues as we ventured into our new life. I didn't want to go to work, so there was resentment. Of course I must mention our personal life, in very little detail because my grandma reads this, but when you are sleep deprived and newly deformed that doesn't seem like any fun, ahem.

It all became a recipe for disaster. We went from ridiculously over the moon to just hanging on by a thread. Our big trip wasn't only for my sleep, but for an attempt at getting our marriage back. We still have over 17 years of kids in the household and we have to make it work better than it was working. I was incredibly shocked at how the babies could be the best thing that ever happened to us as individuals but how negatively it affected our relationship, especially after how long we had hoped to be a family.

Luckily, the trip was a success. Unfortunately, the trip also threw Ocean and Peanut off of the only semblance of a routine they actually had so we have been sleepless for over a week plus hubby had to travel for work only two days after we got back. So the fighting began once more. The good news is that the time we just took to talk and reconnect made the fighting short and a solution quicker than before so hopefully we can keep this up. We are also making a schedule for ourselves because the task of parenting, both working full time, keeping up the household and even taking care of ourselves (via cooking meals at home or working out) has been a lot more than we can handle. Also, hubby is a student AND travels once or twice a month so it has been tougher than we imagined. It looks like that vacation was more than just a breather, but just what we needed to be able to work through our issues.

Besides . . . vacations to the Caribbean are a lot more exciting than therapy!

Since I bit the bullet and showed you photos of me already, in a swimsuit no less, I will show you a couple photos of me with my monkeys from the weekend on our fun family outing.

Yum, This Crow is Delicious

Yes, I am eating crow. Why, you might ask?

Because I've been laughing at those of you with your schedules for a very long time. Since before I was pregnant, while I was pregnant and for the time up until recently. Ha ha ha. I thought "why did you have children if you wanted to sleep? Didn't you know that you don't sleep after children are born?"

But I know what no sleep is like. Spread out for months! I have almost 11 month olds that don't sleep through the night. In fact, they haven't made it more than 2 hours in their own beds since we have been home. I almost forgot what it was like to sleep so I didn't sweat it until I spent a week sleeping nine hours a night.

Awhile back I briefly tried some of the "crying it out" business. I don't have the balls for that. I can't look at my babies crying, no scratch that, SCREAMING with red puffy faces for me to pick them up and just pat them and leave the room. Of course I could just not go in the room to begin with but if they are crying I'm not sleeping so it's just easier to put them in my bed. I have to wake up repeatedly but at least I get some consecutive sleep. Five hours straight is really nice. Sitting outside their room listening to them cry when it is my motherly duty to pick them up and give them loving makes me feel like a failure and I just can't do it. But I'm tired. Real tired. I forgot after my week of relaxation (really, can you believe it only takes a week to forget?) that it is harder than I thought while contemplating mommyhood and then doing it to stay up all night, go to work for 8+ hours, and then still have everything left to do, snuggles, kisses, cleaning, and trying to get a smaller booty. I'm also a sucker of the suckeriest kind. When my babies cry, I just want to love them to smiles. I know it's in their best interest to teach them things, but when having a sweet snuggly monkey next to me is the alternative to screaming and guilt, I choose snuggling. I know. I'm a wimp.

So . . . . . I have been thinking of buying a book to learn what to do. I know it won't be as interesting as one of the "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" books but I will suffer through it if it will allow me to sleep all night. I'm tired and my house is a mess and I think the babies would love to sleep all night if they knew how.

If you'd like to gloat in the comment section, you may, I can take it. If you'd like to recommend something I would be thankful. If you would like to give me the Cliff's Notes version of a book that would be super.

My monks are walking a little bit. They look really funny when they do it.

Here is Peanut, overcome with joy that she can push her stroller across the room.

Oshy can climb the stairs faster than lightning. We have a gate up, but sometimes let him crawl up with us right behind him so he doesn't get a bonk.

The Vacation Recap

Ahhhh, I just like saying that word. I didn't realize how badly hubby and I needed a vacation until we took it. It was like I instantly melted into relaxation. I slept at least 9 hours every night. I took naps or slept in. I read a whole entire book, one that has pages by the way, old school style (actually I read all of "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" and half of the second one). I ate whatever I wanted. I did really long workouts. And most importantly, I tanned my whitey and spent seriously needed time with hubby. We reconnected and it was huge for us because parenting has really put a strain on our relationship.

First we went to Miami and stayed in a hotel. I still felt wrong and could swear Osh was crying in the room, but that was impossible because he was in North Carolina with Peanut and my mom and his great grandma (my grandma). I woke up Sunday morning feeling strange and detached so I worked out and then we went to the ship. Once we were on the ship I almost had a breakdown when I saw a few text photos from my mom.

Then the first beer arrived. It was all down hill from there. Smooth sailing, as they say.

Hubby and I had a really good time together and it was the first time in a long time (over 10 months to be exact) that we felt that way. We drank, we laughed, we talked. Most importantly, we slept. A lot.

We arrived in Samana which is in the Dominic Republic. I'm not a genius so I didn't realize it was connected to Haiti and the poverty was shocking. I mean really shocking. But the island was lovely, it was very untouched by big business. We went biking through a small trail through a village, we hiked to the "blow hole" and into a cave, and we went to a gorgeous little beach and kayaked.







Yes, this is me in a swimsuit. I know it ain't pretty, but just be glad you only have to look at it in pictures and don't have to carry it around with you.

We then went to St. Thomas which was supposed to be a big shopping extravaganza. It was for people who think buying $1200 diamonds and $800 watches is a super awesome bargain. Our shopping trip was mainly based around a big eyed stuffed turtle. The huge brown eyes attracted hubby and it reminded him of Peanut. But the eyes were scratched so he wouldn't buy it. We found it at another store but it had blue eyes and hubby said that the turtle must have brown eyes like his big brown eyed girl. We finally found the turtle. All the baby shopping made us bite the bullet and make an out of country cell phone call home. It was worth it!





This is me dancing in front of the cruise ship in St. Thomas. I wasn't even drunk. Scary.

The next day we went to Tortola and took a 30 minute boat ride to Virgin Gorda for hiking and snorkeling. I am wearing a t-shirt not because I am one of those people that does that to hide my lovely lady lumps, but because I was burnt to a dirty crisp and had to protect my bacon. The beach we hiked to was gorgeous. I swam in the water and it felt like heaven. Swimming in the ocean is one of my favorite things in the whole world. We hiked through rocks and climbed through little holes barefooted to get to our destination. It was so fun.



Above is me in the cave and below is my booty because I know you wanted to see it.



The next day we were at sea and we were jonesing for some babies. We talked about them all day and thought about them all of the seconds we weren't talking about them. I ate lots of food. Yummy.

We went to a private island for our last stop and it was relaxing. Just an island with a bunch of beach chairs. And alchohol.



That night we got dressed up and enjoyed our last night of sleep until the sping breakers woke us up in the night yelling "fuck this ship." Hmmm. That was a step up from the night before when they were barfing in the hallway.



This is me telling hubby to not take a picture of me. You will see that my legs look nice but I need new boobs. I will be working on that soon.



The happy couple! Rested, relaxed, and in love again.

While we set sail into the Atlantic, the babies were putting their precious toes into the very same ocean!








Hubby and I raced outside in our flip flops, in the snow, and ripped the babies from their carseats. We kissed them and hugged them and took them into the airport to get our luggage when we arrived. They were in their PJ's and had some serious WTF faces. They have grown and Peanut's voice changed, which was a shock.

We had a lovely vacation and I don't regret a minute of it. BUT . . . that will be our last non-baby vacation for a long time. Nine days was just too long. The sleep wasn't bad though. :)

I'm Baaaaack!!

I know you missed me. I missed you too but I could not pay you any visits because internet time on the cruise ship costs .99 a minute and I am a cheapskate. I would have had a guest blogger or something but beside being a cheapskate I am also lazy and I don't think ahead.

Now I am sitting in the airport in Fort Lauderdale, burnt to all crispy fried hell, waiting to go home and see my babies. My trip was so lovely and I promise to show you pictures if you promise not to laugh. Yes people, I allowed pictures of myself, even in a swimsuit. Woo woo!

But you will probably not see these pictures tonight or maybe not even tomorrow night or the next because once I get home I have to make up for lost time with my monkeys. I miss them so desperately! We decided this will be our last vacation for a long time without monkeys and we did enjoy it, but we both hit a wall around Thursday where we could do nothing more than talk about them and think about them constantly. We rushed to the airport this morning and found an earlier flight, but as I mentioned, I'm a cheapskate and they wanted more than $400 for four earlier hours. Ouch! Those freaking bastards, that is just mean. So I am now waiting not so patiently for our flight home where I am going to kiss and hug and snuggle two of the cutest babies in the world all night long.

Since I have four hours before we can even check in!!!! I will be able to read through all the things I've missed in the last week and it looks like it is quite a bit of interesting bits of your business!

So What Wednesday

- So what if I am going on a fabulous vacation that I need to go on to regroup myself? Dropping the babies off at the airport this morning knowing that I would not see them for almost two weeks was so not cool. I did okay until I had to put them in their strollers to go through security. They reached their arms up to me and cried. Ouch. Bawling from two babies and mommy ensues. Hubby has explained to me that for our whole marriage it has been about getting these babies and we need some time for each other and everything will be great, BUT, it just doesn't feel right.

- So what if I had twins? That doesn't mean that trying on swimsuits isn't a horrifying experience. I try to tell myself battle scars and blah, blah, blah but really, I look like a lumpy white dangler. Eew.

- So what if I followed cardio and over an hour of yoga class up with five donut holes? I'm an emotional eater and after what I saw in the department store mirror stuffed in a swimsuit I may as well! It couldn't get worse really.

- So what if there are bottles in the sink? There are no babies here, so I'm not gonna clean them. Not tonight anyway. My goal for tomorrow evening is to have a lovely clean house. I'm even going to rent a Rug Doctor to clean my carpets although I will most likely lose a limb trying to use because I almost burned the house down with our regular old vacuum.

- So what if I'm really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow? I am trying to look on the bright side and sleeping past 6:45 and ALL NIGHT which has not happened in weeks sounds really good, especially after a tear filled day and a vomit filled week.

Last week when the babes were ill, I took a picture of my sick Peanut. She is so full of life that it just broke a mama's heart to see her like this.

She is surrounded by her doggies and she loves her doggies!

Oshy laid with her for a little bit. Hubby and I are lazy, so he is in PJ's even though it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

On The Mend

I think the munchkins are on their way back to health. Phew. My poor sick Peanut slept a lot over the weekend. They are both very clingly. Some good news is that the weather is expected to be taking a turn for the warmer so I am hoping some more frequent fresh air will help out quite a bit.

Okay friends, I must share my excitement. The babies' first birthday invitations arrived yesterday!!!! Woo hoo! I can't believe they are going to be one in LESS than two months. Once we return from vaca, party planning will be in full swing.

I want to prepare you for tomorrow. I know it's "So What Wednesday" but I will give you fair warning that I will be an emotional basketcase. I am going to go to the airport tomorrow and put my two most precious monkeys in the whole world on an airplane. WITHOUT ME. For TEN days. 10 days. 240 hours. This is the way we roll in my family. We can just change scenery. We can go with the flow. BUT . . . . I think I may have to call the doctor to get some drugs because I tear up everytime I think about it. I know they are going to have a fabulous vacation and get spoiled rotten, which is the joy of every child, but holy smokes I'm not sure I can handle it. I haven't been to therapy in quite some time but maybe I should give the shrink a buzz.

My plan for survival: chocolate, yoga, running, alcohol, shameless reality tv watching and retail therapy.

I have not downloaded new monkey pictures so I have attached a throwback photo. It's a throwback throwback because it is me when I am 5. Now, when I say I've wanted always wanted to be a mom, it's true. At 5 I could get a baby out of a crib and give the baby a bottle. Mmm hmm.

Yes, I am a five year old carrying a newborn. Yes, I am rolling in a Catholic school uniform. Yes, my mom used to perm my hair. And yes, I used to be skinny. When I was 5.