Happy Halloween!

The monkey's first Halloween! Hubby and I love Halloween. I know their costumes are a little obvious, but they had to be monkeys after being called that for nine months!!

They played with their cousin today and we took pictures but other than that there isn't much to do with 6 month olds.

Next year will be even more exciting because we can go trick or treating and I will eat all of their candy. Let the countdown begin . . . .

Six Months

We will do WTF on Friday, and yes I did watch "16 and Pregnant" and I felt like I was being punk'd the whole time.

Last Friday the craziest thing happened.

My babies turned 6 months. 6 months!!! HALF A YEAR!! How did this happen? It's so weird, because I felt like they have been here forever and I didn't live any life without them. I can hardly remember it. At the same time, how the f^&* is it halfway to their ONE year old birthday?

Ocean Michael

AKA: Oshy Bear, Bubby

Weight: 17 pounds, 7 ounces (46th percentile)

Height: 28 inches (91st percentile)

Sleeping: Goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 p.m. and wakes twice around 1:30 a.m. and 4:30 a.m.

Eats: Soy formula, pureed fruits and veggies and just started mixtures of these, rice and oatmeal cereal

Likes: Snuggles, binkies, smiling, being outside, pulling mommy's hair, hamming it up

Milestones: Sitting up, drinking from a cup

Ever Ieleene

AKA: Peanut, Wild Thing

Weight: 15 pounds, 2 ounces (28th percentile)

Height: 26 inches (57th percentile)

Sleeping: All night! Goes to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 p.m. and gets up around 7:30 or 8:00 a.m.

Eats: Soy formula, rice and oatmeal cereal, pureed fruits and veggies, mixtures. We love Ella's Organics!!

Likes: Playing with toys, looking at her mobile, eating, going outside, and our dog, Rocky

Milestones: Sitting up and drinking from a cup

I can't believe my babies are so big. It's cool, and also sad at the same time. They're going to be teenagers before I know it. Tear . . . . . .

Hot Mess

Infertility sucks big ones. I had some type of infertility medication in my body for two years straight, with the exception of a month or two break here and there. My biggest excitement second to having two healthy babies, was that I would birth them and be a healthy, normal person again.

The universe has had other plans for the last month.

I had been having stomach pains that come and go, but I wanted so badly to be a normal person who only goes to the doctor once a year so I tried my best to ignore them. Then, while on vacation, I had to go to the emergency room for gastritis. Having meds and being on a bland diet helped in one week.

My next weekend was good.

The weekend after that my back started spasming. Again, who cares, I work all day and hold two babies a lot and we rarely just sit around the house so it was probably just sore. But then I woke up on Sunday and literally could not stand. Pain pills, muscle relaxers, ice/heat and two trips to the Chiropractor later I felt better.

This last weekend (the weekend after the back incident) I got a canker sore, which I have never had before. I asked hubby if he brought me back some herpes from his business trip, but then he told me I'm a dummy, it's just a canker sore and what I should do. I swished baking soda and salt in my mouth a few times.

I woke up Sunday night and never slept. My entire face was on fire. My ears and throat hurt. I went to the dentist for the first time in over a decade (hey, don't judge, I didn't have dental insurance and I"m a cheapskate). My mouth was infected because my teeth are completely jacked!! On Friday I will be getting a root canal, crown and fillings. Yay. Let's please don't even discuss the cost of this. With insurance.

Oh, you haven't listened to enough whining? Here's some more:

1. I hate working. Not because I hate working, but because I can't be okay with leaving my babies. I thought it would get easier, and at first, honestly it was a relief because those first few months are BRUTAL. But now it sucks. I miss them more and more. Now that I spend most of my free time in the hospital or on pain pills, our time isn't as quality as I would like it to be.

2. Spending my day away from my babies makes me think too much and I become bitter betty. Bitter for all the money we had to spend making the babies. It's a stupid thing to even think about it, because without spending that money we wouldn't have them, so to think that if I didn't spend all that money I could be home with them is a waste. But it consumes me sometimes.

3. Guilt. Hubby was out golfing on Sunday and it was just me and the babes. I love those times, but sometimes I feel so guilty for being selfish and having two of them at once. I was feeding Ever and Ocean was sitting on the floor. He wanted me to hold him, but I can't hold one while feeding the other, not enough space and they are too wiggly now. He was crying and looking right in my eyes. It was a cry he does that is SO sad because his lower lip sticks out and he wails. I cried too because I felt like a bad, mean, shitty mommy who needs more arms and time to love my babies everytime they need it. I gave myself an F- for that moment and guilt consumed me.

Anywho, I left work early and headed off to Target to to fill yet another pain pill prescription and get an antibiotic for my yucky face infection. I bought the babies some things because I love to do it and I also bought a box of Oatmeal Pies to fuel my unhealthy habit of emotional binge eating.

I got in my car and as I was stuffing the fourth Little Debbie into my infected mouth and feeling sorry for myself Bob Marley came on the radio.

"Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', (This is my message to you-ou-ou:) Singin': Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

And it made me smile a little bit and feel a little bit better. So I put the Little Debbies down.

I arrived home and was greeted by my two perfect, hilarious, sweet angels.



Things can't be that bad if it can all get cured by a Bob Marley song and two little Hugh Hefner look-alike's. After all, shit happens in threes so after my very expensive mouth fix on Friday I should be golden for awhile. I guess it's best to get it all over with in one month, so really, I'm lucky to just bang it out now. And I WILL be a healthy person someday, probably not normal, but it's all gonna balance and me and the babies are going to live it up!

Good Baby or Bad Baby

Many people always ask me this question and I find it odd. I've never asked anyone this question of their child, even though it seems to be common.

"Are they good babies?"

I guess they're good. I mean, they don't clean up after themselves or have table manners or spend their free time volunteering at the homeless shelter.



The opposite of good is bad and I don't think that they're bad. They aren't out graffitying the neighborhood or shooting the cat next door with bb guns.



I tried to figure out why people ask this. I don't think there is really any baby that's "bad," so to the same point can a baby be "good?"

All babies pretty much do the same stuff:

1. Sleep. Even if your baby doesn't sleep all night or take regular naps, all babies sleep at some point and they sleep quite a bit.

2. Eat. Some babies eat breast milk, some eat formula, some eat organic baby puree and others eat whatever they find on the floor. And boogers. But they all do it.

3. Make noises. They babble, scream and cry. A mom once told me how wonderful her baby is because he never cries. I call bullshit. ALL babies cry. And if it really doesn't cry you should take it to the doctor to find out what the hell is wrong with it.

4. Pee and poop. Some might have green poop, brown poop or technicolor poop, but every baby poops. Some poop in disposable diapers and some in cloth diapers and some in hybrid diapers. Some parents claim that their babies pee and poop in the toilet via a method called EC, but I have to admit I don't believe that. I need to see video. And I need to see a working mama who dangles her baby over the johnny because she recognized the signs of potty in time to have a 2 month old hit the can. Mmm hmm. I'm being serious though, if you know where I can see this, I really want to!

5. And of course, all babies do cute stuff.

It really doesn't vary that much from these five things. Of course I think my babies are exceptional and amazing and just absolutely unbelievably attractive, but really, they mostly do this baby stuff. I know that.

So this is how it goes . . . . . .

Stranger: "What sweet babies. Are they good?"

Me out loud: "Yeah, I think they are."

Me on the inside: "What the french toast are you really asking me? Do they look like heathens? WHY are you asking me this?"

Maybe someday when I become a normal mom, I'll ask people this too. But for now, I don't get it.

WTF Wednesday

I know,Thursday. Sheesh people, trying to work out now, working full time and lovin' on two munchkins is hard work!

- The Teen Mom reunion was okay. I'm not that into touchy feely stuff. Ryan was making me laugh with his comments though. He looks a little on the blank side. I love Catelynn and Tyler as usual, but her mom is such a beyotch. Just mean. I want to adopt Catelynn. I did feel sorta bad for Amber. I guess that is the good thing about seeing yourself on video, you might see things a little more clear. Sometimes I think Dr. Drew is kind of hot, but other times I think he is kind of creepy. Why does he get so close to the teenagers? Weird.

- I have to admit I've been diggin' the Sister Wives idea. It really is a good plan. I'm not the jealous type (in the man and attractive women department, definitely jealous in the fertile baby poppers department) so I think it would work well for us. Until the new episode this week when the first wife was getting HER husband ready for HIS wedding to SOMEONE else and she said she wished it was her wedding night. Eeew. Never mind.

- The Real Housewives of DC reunions have been going on and they are pretty brutal. I think the DC's are the weirdest. They are just hammering on the one lying couple, who just keep getting caught in more lies. GIVE IT UP ALREADY! I watched the new Housewives of Beverly Hills. These are super rich BEYOTCHES. Definitely the richest of all. And holy collagen batman. I love the older one, she is hilarious and I also like the one that makes all the moo-lah and doesn't let her husband have it (probably because hubby and I have joint checking so I can sympathize with people being critical of it, except I'm not protecting millions of dollars, bummer). I'm definitely going to watch.

- On why I will not be watching 16 and Pregnant: :

1. It's effed up and reminds the universe can be a cruel bitch sometimes.
2. It's depressing. The situations are pretty sad.
3. There is really a teenager on the show who exhibits a decent level of intelligence and it scares me.
4. I get a little sad thinking of those babies and where they are after the show is over.

I'll watch though. I'm not known for my self control.

- The Glee girls are in hot water for their sexy photos. I personally think they look great and if you are letting your little kid look through GQ magazine you might not be the best parent, so stop whining. GQ magazine is a sexy magazine, duh.
Simple equation: sexy magazine+parents who don't want their kids to see sexy stuff=don't let kids see the magazine.

It's hard for me to pinpoint a best baby moment this week because they have all been super awesome. My kids are hilarious!! And completely opposite.

Sweetness



Hay tastes good



How many licks does it take to get to the center of a pumpkin?
Just ask Ever! She's the only one I know who has tried it!

Breaking News!

Breaking news ya'll!! and I am not pregnant, curse you if you thought that.

My baby boy is now a man.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Because
.
.
.
.


he found his
.
.
.
.


WEE WEE!!



And he loves it!

Silly boo boo.

WTF Wednesday

Crap, Thursday.

- I'm going to go Jerry Springer on you and offer you my final thoughts on the Teen Mom finale:

• Amber and Gary. Yikes. By far the worst of the mamas. That guy Amber just started dating is super gross. I cannot believe that he could help her control herself and she can't help herself!! What a level 5 psycho driving down the street to go fight with Gary. At least Gary left so that his child and mother didn't have to watch him get punched in the face. I know not all agree, but I am a firm believer that having a vagina does not give you an excuse to punch people. MTV is in hot water for not calling the police during the now infamous domestic violence episode which I completely agree with! If Gary had done that to Amber, the police would have been called and he would be in jail. The same should go for Amber. I also heard that CPS did investigate so that is good news as well. My favorite quote from the show was when Gary's friends were asking him about Amber's new man. Friend: Where did she meet him? Gary: At Walmart. Friend: That's ridiculous.


• Farrah. I really want to blame her immature behavior on her mom, but at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself. She acted like a little baby when her mom spoke with her about her rental contract, although she didn't have a problem giving her mom a contract. I do feel so bad for her for the loss she had and Sophia is SO cute.
• Macy. I really find her whole story to be a little boring for reality TV. So I don't have anything to say.
• Catelynn and Tyler. I LOVE them!! I cried probably 3 times during the episode. Their relationship with the adoptive parents is just amazing and they are the sweetest kids. It is amazing that with their background and Catelynn's shit for brains mother that they turned out so well. Oh, tears . . . . that was the sweetest. Carly is adorable. They are adorable.

I CANNOT wait for Dr. Drew's take on all of this next week.

-If you are a Real Housewives fan, or even if you aren't, I hope you watched the episode of DC because I have been dying to figure out the whole White House crashing incident since I saw it on the news with Tareq and Mickael (sp?) Salahi. Honestly, it really just looked like they walked in and no one stopped them, so that seems to be more of a security issue than their fault, I mean, they let them waltz right in. BUT the fools would NEVER admit if they were invited or not invited. It drove me nuts because I really want to know. The reunion is tonight so I will be watching.

- Sister Wives. I need to find one. Just kidding, hubby thinks it's a terrible idea. I have been pretty okay with the whole thing and really interested. The two last episodes that I watched did freak me out a little.

Situation One: Children were playing with Barbie's and they only had one Ken doll, to which new mommy number 4 said "you will just have to share like your mommies share." Say WHAT??

Situation Two: One wife was giving birth in the hospital (her daughter's name is Truely, I like it) and her and Big Poppa were discussing doing IVF with the first wife. So, they are in the hospital with their baby, talking about making babies with someone at home openly with the doctor. Hold the PHONE!! That is straight weird.

Best baby moments this week: Watching them check things out. They are really looking at stuff. Ocean pulls out his binky and gives it a dirty look and talks to it. Ever is VERY observant. I wish I knew what they are thinking. Or maybe I don't.

Playing at the park!

Photo Overload

Psst, Ever, mom put these stupid hats on us and now she is taking pictures of us again.



WHAT? Mom, seriously. We are going to be legally blind if you keep taking pictures of us like this. We're already seeing stars as it is because you have taken over 1,000 pictures of us in the 5 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days since we were born.

Well sweet peanut, I have read about 4,000 internet articles, bits and pieces of a boring pediatrician's book, and 2,000 blogs and have never seen anything about anyone going legally blind from camera flashes so you should be fine. Besides, maybe if we enter you into the Gerber baby contest or the Gap talent search we will be able to pad your college fund.



Fine, Ocean, get out of the way, I need a headshot.



No, you get out of the way, I need a headshot.



Mommy thinks you both are the most beautiful babies ever born.

All mom's think that.

Yeah, I thought you told us while we were in the womb you wouldn't be a delusional whackadoo like most moms. You also said that you thought many women's vital brain sections come out with the placenta.



Ummmm . . . . I did say that, didn't I?

Yep, you also said you'd never go in public with a huge hummer sized stroller and you did that.

You also said you would never breastfeed and you did that.

You also called our pediatrician last week to make them check through all their vaccinations to see which one had preservatives and thimerosal and which ones didn't.

You also check to make sure we are breathing every now and then, yeah, you think we didn't notice?

You also told Grandma we aren't allowed to have any juice because then we might get diabetes someday, which is totally lame because you drink juice and you don't have diabetes.

You also talk in that ridiculous voice in public all the time and you make strangers make fun of us in the public bathroom when you clean our poopy butts and say "yay, we did it, we did it" and then people stare when you walk out of the bathroom stall.



Okay, I get it. No more pictures. Today.

Divine Intervention

You may have noticed that there have been no "Weight Watching" updates lately. That is becuase . . . .

. . . . I've been gaining weight!! Sucky!

I want to work out SO bad but can't justify it when I spend 9 hours a day away from the children. By the time they are in bed, I am tired and want to spend senseless television time.

Let me highlight some of my recent activities.

This is me playing in the yard with babies instead of working out:



This is me shamelessly consuming a funnel cake at a carnival:



I also emotional eat at work a lot because I miss my babies. I was 10 pounds heavier than 6 weeks after I had the babies.

I say was, because Jesus decided I need some help controlling my pleasantly plump ass.

Last Friday, I went to the emergency room with gastritis. It was very bad pain, although now I compare c-section pain to everything and nothing was worse than that (although that wasn't normal so don't let it scare you). Long story short, I have to take meds 30 minutes before each meal and my diet is BLAND. I eat white rice, white bread, canned fruit (can't have fruit with seeds and skin), and meat with no seasoning.

I have lost 3.7 pounds in 6 days with no working out! Yay!! Forced starvation is best for me, otherwise there is no self control up in this hood! I thought about buying a Twix for a snack, but then I remembered I would be in awful pain, so I stopped myself.

The high of easy weight loss has caused me to want to put in an effort. We are moving my elliptical machine upstairs in front of the TV so I can combine senseless TV watching with working out once the babes are in bed.

We'll see how it goes! I'm also signing up for a half marathon and hubby said he would do it with me, which I am so excited about. I will probably have to walk most of it and won't come in at my 2:20 time of the last half marathon (13.1 miles), but it's the thought that counts.

WTF Wednesday

It's actually Wednesday this week!!!! Are you proud or what?

- Teen Mom was much better last night. Just out of curiousity I visited MTV's website to make sure there was some kind of follow up to Amber's violence issue and that it was being hammered into everyone's head that this is not acceptable. There was, thank goodness. I think it's crazy how Amber won't let him touch her when she is the one who pounded on him. I feel pretty sorry for Gary. This episode was much better, but I think that Catelynn's mom is just awful. I love the adoption story and hate that her mom makes her feel so guilty. I read reaction in People magazine saying that it is a bad portrayal of adoption, but I don't agree. Of course these two will miss the baby they gave birth to and I think the relationship they have with Carly's parents is great. I love reading comments on websites to articles and episodes now, I'm addicted!!

- I missed Sister Wives, dammit. I will definitely catch up this weekend. This was hubby and my conversation last night while watching Teen Mom when Maci was cleaning up her house:

Hubby: "Wow, what a woman."

Me: "Maybe she could be my sister wife."

Naughty look from hubby.

Seriously, I'm obsessed with this concept. I think it is ridiculous with a capital R that law enforcement is attempting to charge them and put them in jail for up to 5 years for this. For one thing, it's a waste of my tax dollars when you could have space for child molesters, rapists, drug dealers, the Westboro Baptist Church congregation, etc. And for the other thing, who cares??? It's not hurting ANYONE! I get so bored of people who put marriage on a high horse or their personal "morals." The divorce rate is 50%!! Obviously straight, mongamous people don't know what they're doing so why on earth can't these people enjoy a lifestyle that works for them?

- The Supreme Court is hearing the case about the Westboro Baptist Church protests. Basically, if you haven't heard of them, they stand outside of funerals for service men and women saying that God wants more of them to die because the deaths of men and women serving in Iraq and Afghanistan are a result of God hating "fags" and abortion. These people are disgusting. The issue is about free speech, but I don't consider this freedom of speech, it's basically harassment and a hate crime. I would love for them to do some hard time for awhile. I live in Kansas and these sickening people are right in my backyard. Gross. How heartbreaking to show up to your child, or your husband, or your sibling or friend's funeral who lost their life serving our country and seeing that. It shocks me.

- There is going to be another season of 16 and Pregnant. I am NOT going to watch. Hold me to it people, if I ever mention it, let me have it good!!! I repeat, I will NOT be watching 16 and Pregnant, no way. :)


Best baby moments: They are getting BIG personalities. We have discovered that Ever is the alpha dog and Ocean is a major ham. When we have been out and about Ocean stares at people and then when they look he smiles a big smile. Ever is so hilarious. I'm loving all this personality kicking in!

Attack Baby

For home security, some people have alarm systems, pit bulls, and guns. Many women carry mace in their purse.

We don't need any of that in our house.

We have this.



It looks innocent doesn't it? That's the best part. It's really a vicious attack baby. It goes from that, to this in just a few seconds with no warning:



She will rip your face off!! I should have seen this coming, since I have been slapped by her sweet little hands many times for changing her diaper or getting in her face. Feisty peanut.

**No Oshy's were harmed during the making of this photograph, he actually thought it was funny. But he does keep his eye on her these days.**